209. I think self checkout was invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
220. Is corn the only thing that's delicious after it explodes?
230. If you made a liquor called Responsibly all you competitors would be legally obligated to advertise for you.
238. Remember that Ex that we all thought we'd never get over? LOL
240. Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
249. Is it annoying when people answer their own quesitons? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
251. Life is like a bowel movement, it's still gonna happen whether your shit's together or not.
269. I FANALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
273. IF YOIU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
293. I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I've commited a crime.
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