Break the Unbreakable

Chapter Thirty Two

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether I should go after Niall or if I should go and talk to Harry. I was torn between the two.

Niall - I hurt him even more than necessary. Harry - I was supposed to hurt him. That was my job. But I just didn't feel right about this anymore. Maybe my dream job wasn't worth this. Maybe nothing was worth hurting people like I was.

And yet...after all this, Harry still hasn't learned his lesson. I feel like I'm still in his game we were playing since the beginning. I feel like I'm still losing.

I needed to talk to him. I was going to set him straight.

I searched for him, in every classroom. Every corridor, but he was nowhere to be seen.

But, then it clicked. He took me to a park when we skipped together. That's where he goes. He showed me where to go.

Without a second thought, I left school and ran to the park that I knew he was at. I travelled faster and faster through the trees until I saw him.

He was sitting on one of the swings - no one around.

"Harry," I said, quietly. He didn't move.

"What?" he whispered. "I thought I told you to stay away."

"I don't do what I'm told," I said in reply, although that seemed inaccurate at this time.

"Mhmm," he murmured.

He looked up at me, his eyes were so sad.

"So, why did you come here then? I'd expected you to run after Niall," he said.

"Harry, I came after you because I know I owe you an explanation," I replied. "You need to know that I told Niall because I was feeling so bad and guilty. No one deserves that. And kissing you...that was wrong. It was my fault. And I'm sorry that I did."

"Fine."

"And I realized that being with Niall wasn't fair to him because my feelings for you..." I paused, and he waited for me to finish. "My feelings for you are still very present."

I almost swore I saw him smile.

"Are they?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, honestly. There was no use in actually fighting it. I had fallen for Harry. I don't think I'd fallen in love completely...but my feelings were strong. Despite everything, they were there. They always were.

"Well..." he replied, waiting for me to elaborate.

"Harry, I like you, okay? I like you a lot," I said. "And I don't think that's going to go away."

"You couldn't help it," he shrugged.

"That's what you have to say?" I asked, in disbelief.

"Yeah well, you like me. It's not exactly groundbreaking news. Lots of girls like me," he replied.

I couldn't believe how arrogant he was being.

"What?" I asked.

"In fact, lots of girls fall for me. Take Janet for example...she fell for me. And I broke her heart," he continued. I took in a deep breath, listening. "Beth in our class liked me, and I just had sex with her but wanted nothing more. Same with Annie, Mel, Hannah, and Holly."

I shook my head.

"You're a disgusting pig," I told him, harshly.

"That's right! I am!" he raised his voice, standing up from the bench. He and I were face to face, both angered with one another.

"No, but I know this isn't you, Harry! It really isn't!"

"Yes it is!" he shouted back. "It is me! You heard Niall. You hear everyone talking about me! I fuck people over. I screw their feelings because I don't care about anyone's but my own!"

"It's like you don't have feelings, Harry! Or at least, you don't let them show! You don't let any part of you show when I know there's something more there!"

"No there isn't! This is it! I'm a jerk. That's it."

"Harry, you're not! There's another side of you! The actual, real side of you. What about the person at the senior home with all those people? What about that sweet and sensitive side? What about the person whose afraid of change?"

"He doesn't exist."

"Yes, he does! I've seen that person," I told him, urgently.

And this time I was fighting for him. Really, I just wanted him to know he was a decent person.

"Well, then I tricked you," he replied, shakily.

"What is your problem, Harry? You and your stupid guard! Your wall is up and I want you to be able to trust me. You can't keep it all inside yourself! It's going to kill you."

"Nothing is being bottled up! What you see of me is what you get!"

"But there is so much more," I said, quietly. "These games you play with me, with other girls...you're tired of them too."

"No, that's what I live by. My rules are what I live by."

"It's not too late to change."

"No! I hate change! Change just screws up everything. Change doesn't help anybody. People know what to expect of me because you know why? Because I haven't changed! This is it, this is all I'll ever be."

"Change would help you, Harry."

"Change doesn't help anyone," he replied, bitterly.

"What happened to make you hate change?" I wondered, softly. There was a story behind his hatred for it. I could tell.

Something hurt him. Someone hurt him by changing.

"No, no you're not going to get anything out of me," he said, firmly. "I'm never going to tell you. You think I can open up to you, but I can't. I won't ever be able to open up to anybody about this!"

He was so incredibly hurt. I don't know who was able to break his heart like this. I'm not even sure it was a girlfriend.

"You're not a simple person, Harry. Seriously - that player... that's not all you are. You're just misunderstood."

"Save it, Blake," he replied. "Don't waste your breath. You're not getting to me."

"Harry -" I started.

"No, just stop talking! Just leave me alone! I won't bother you anymore, Blake. You and Niall can be together. You can have something special with him."

He started to walk away, and I just didn't know what to say to make him stay.

"Come on, Harry," I pleaded.

"I'm out of the picture, Blake! I'm out. There, are you happy now?"

It was a rhetorical question, and I just watched him leave. I sunk down onto the bench, holding my face in my hands.

I was so far from happy right now.