Chosen- A Selection Fanfiction

Chapter 37

I tried to go to the music room and calm myself down. I didn't want to go back to my room because I knew my maids would be there, and I didn't want them to worry, let alone Zora. I didn't want her to have to dote on me like I was just so helpless.

Playing the piano didn't seem to soothe me. I kept messing up every chord I played, like I couldn't even remember the way any of the notes sounded. I was getting frustrated over the pettiest things, and they didn't even matter!

Why do I even care about the keys? Why do I continue to distract myself when I force myself to dance around reality and the truth?

I had a heart attack. I was weak. I fell in love, and now I feel like it's one sided. I fell like I'm just some obstacle in the way, a giant piece of drama. First the burn, then the kidnapping, then the whipping, and being brought back in, all to have a heart attack when all I had to do was perform a simple act of responsibility. If I can't keep myself together, then what would I do with a relationship? A kingdom?

All of these questions bounced in my head until I needed to get them out. I took out pen and paper from the piano bench and abused the sheet music for my own selfish purposes. Granted, I was only writing a list, but it wasn't what it needed to be used for.

What was keeping me here?

-it's my only home
-Harrison
-Ira
-Marlee
-America
-Diana
-Mary
-Cecelia
-Landon
-Danielle
-Aaron

Aaron was keeping me grounded. He was my rock, truly, but what was I to him? A safety net, or the tightrope he was walking?

The door creaked open to see a little bit of a head pop in. It was only Harrison, but I still froze up a bit. What he had said was true, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He was allowed to express his feelings, and I mine. I just wish he had been a bit more gentle.

"I'm sorry, Elisa," he mumbled, almost to himself. His hair was pushed down into his eyes, hiding the violet in them. "I- I just miss the way things used to be."

"It's okay," I responded. "I miss it, too." I sunk back on the piano, dipping down further into the stool. The fluff in my dress skirt gathered on the bench beside me before I swept it back. 

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "You miss it?" I nodded my head immediately, but not necessarily eagerly. "If you had to redo it all, would you make the same choices?" he asked as he sat down beside me.

"No," I answered immediately. "Honestly, I would never have entered the selection if it meant that Mother, Father, Franny, and Penelope were still here. Uncle Darry, too. I would've never been kidnapped, Hampton might not have burned, I probably wouldn't have had a heart attack, and Aaron would have found love. The world is probably better off without me in the selection."

Harry looked at me with a conflicted expression on his face. He turned his head a bit and swallowed, as if that could make him understand. "But don't you love him?"

My head shot up. "Of course I do," I muttered while playing with my necklace. I ran my fingers over the cool metal, feeling the grooves of the feathers of the bird itself. "But this is so much more than a weak eighteen year old girl's problems. I'm an adult now, and I need to face my own problems, even if I just want to run away."

"I guess you're right," Harry said, defeated. "Hey, Elisa?"

"What is it, Harry?" 

"I've missed you."

<~>~<~>~<~>

I sat on my bed while Zora laid out my medicine. It's been about a week, two maybe, since my last date with Aaron, and he didn't seem to be feeling well then. I swallowed down the pills with a glass of tap water before Zora left me alone.