Change Is Yesterday.

Chapter 17: She's So Close But She's So Far Away.

EDITED~

CONNIE'S P.O.V

Stood on the pavement, tears streamed down my face, I held my phone shakily to my ear; my words coming out in a rush, regularly interrupted by my heaving sobs.

"Has Josh rang you? I need him."

"Connie, honey, are you okay? What's going on?" As much as I would love to tell Polly everything, as I knew she would do anything she could to help me, I just needed to talk to Josh.

"I'm sorry Polly, I just need Josh, has he called?" My panic levels were increasing and the speed of my words also as a result; how Polly understood me, I did not know.

"Oh, okay... Yeah, he called asking for you, he's broken his phone, so he's lost your number. If you give me your number I'll call him back with it?" She sounded hurt, and that killed me, but this was urgent. Josh was always the one I went to in a crisis, only he could help me now. He knew me better than anyone else, even Alex.

"That would be great, thanks Polly! I think Sian has it?" My tears had slowed down, and my panic levels no longer sky high, at the prospect that I could actually get to talk to Josh. That all of this mess could be sorted out. My hope was so tangible it was driving me crazy. If Josh can't help me now, I know I'll fall even further.

All I heard was a distant "yes!" from the other end of the phone; I guessed it was Sian confirming she had my number.

"Thanks for everything guys. I really really appreciate all you've done for me, and I know I may have hurt some of you, but I still hope you understand. I had to lie because you wouldn't have treated me the same, no offence at all, because I would if I was you. I really do hope you understand and you don't hate me, because I would hate to lose you all as friends..." Just thinking about how lovely they had all been to me, how friendly and accepting, made the tears filled up in my eyes again. The guilt that overcame me when I realised how awful I'd treated them all, lied to their faces about who I was, did to them what they didn't deserve, pushed my tears over the edge. Tears now streamed down my face, for the second time this morning. I knew then that this had to stop and I couldn't go on like this anymore.

"Don't mention it Connie! Honestly, everyone living in this house understands and still loves you. We don't want to lose you either, so we hold no grudges against you, we're just worried. All we want to know is that you're okay..." She drifted off.

"I'm sorry for worrying you all, it wasn't something I planned, but I guess going to an All Time Low concert and seeing Alex again wasn't in my plan either so... Anyway, I should go so you can call Josh, yeah?"

"Sure, see you Connie." Polly sounded really solemn, like she'd just been told some really bad news. And, maybe it was me being paranoid, but it felt like she wanted to get rid of me...

"Bye guys." Before I'd finished the phone went dead. Well, that would be a yes then. She was trying to get rid of me. I didn't blame her at all to be honest, I'd hurt her and lied to her. I wouldn't even have stayed on the phone and agreed to do anything for me, if I was her.

Now all I could do was wait. All my life seemed like was a waiting game. I waited for Alex to come back from tour, waited for my Dad and brother to come back or even call, waited for something to remind me of Alex when I left. And now all I seem to wait for is another argument, because the inevitability screamed at me.

I went to sit down in the nearest Starbucks and ordered a coffee, with no intention of drinking it, merely going though the motions of the normality I craved. I don't even like coffee. Much to my increasing despair, my thoughts took me to the reason I was alone right now.