Love Truly

Happy Birthday

Brooklyn

For the past month , things been rocky . I can't even explain it . I couldn't eat . I couldn't sleep . I wasnt able to do anything . If it wasn't for Cavin , I would've been starved myself to death or been continuously sluggish .

I can't even process the fact of my sister being gone and it wasn't until last week that I found out Antonio died . No one told me . I just seen some paper work on the kitchen counter that Cavin was reading over . It just made me feel like a piece of shit . I guess it was irrelevant for me to know that my brother died . I didn't even bring up the situation to Cavin . I'll wait till he's ready to tell me.

I haven't seen Bracen or momma . I know he grew . I wanted to see his smile and hear his laughs but I've been too weak . No only that but Mother Nature haven't knocked at my door this month . I couldn't even feel fear or hatred . I'm just numb . Very numb .

This letter .

This letter took the cake . I wasn't mad at Amber . I couldn't be mad . Why I wasn't mad? I don't know . I can't even explain it . When I read it , my heart sulked into my foot and it's like I purposely stepped on it . Me! I did that . I blame myself for this . Why ? If I would've opened my eyes to the bullshit , I wouldn't been in this predicament . But here I am , depressed and mad at the world .

I'm so fucking stupid . I noticed more than one signs over a million times but why didn't I speak up ? Why I let them play these childish ass games behind my back ? I just started to reminisce on everything as I closed my eyes and drift to sleep.

--

My eyes suddenly flittered open interrupting my thoughts . Then I just started crying . I began to throw a mini tantrum . I screamed and started to throw the pillows against the wall along with the lamp that sat on my nightstand .

Why didn't Jermaine kill me when he had the chance ? I don't want to live anymore . I rather burn in hell with my sister than to be here living in depression .

So I pushed myself out of my bed . I landed my feet on the floor and tried to steady my balance . I went into the bathroom and went on a rampage searching through the cabinets . I finally found some pills . The label was scratched off so I couldn't tell what kind these were . I quickly opened it and threw the top against the wall .

I swiftly placed the entire bottle lid against my lips as I begin to consume the substance .

I took in the entire bottle but then it was jerked out of my hand and thrown across the room . I begin to feel dizzy . I felt my body being pushed down to my knees as I hovered over the toilet . Before I could even object , an incredible force fought its way into my mouth and down my throat resulting in me throwing up all that I took in .

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He growled .

I soon came to realization that it was Cavin . I tried to force his hand out of my mouth but it was no use . I started to cough and choke then he removed his hand .

I was done heaving . I just sat back and cried . I heard the toilet being flushed and the sink water to run . I put my back against the wall and buried my face into my knees . I couldn't help but to cry .

My face was lifted up and Cavin placed a cold towel on my face . He begin to wipe my mouth and eyes . He sat next to me and pulled me in his lap like I was a five year old . He just continued to clean my face . I calmed down after awhile.