Hush (A Joker Story)

28: Life Lessons

When I was younger, and my family was still in one piece, I was curious, and I let the thoughts of rebellion cross my mind. I wanted to know what it was like to break the rules, to be the bad girl for once instead of the girl from the wealthy family, the spoiled brat.

My friend had gotten me a fake ID, and since I looked older than I actually was, it worked without any questions or comments when I tried to get into a bar. I had shaky, sweaty hands and a nervous smile on, and a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, but they let me in. I don't even know if they noticed I was nervous, noticed I was bluffing but let me in anyways. Maybe they just didn't care, just cared about the money I'd use at the bar.

I wasn't there to drink away my sorrows, though. I sat in the corner of the room, sitting back in a chair by myself, the bar across the room was filled with drunk people, shouting their sad stories to whoever would listen. Alcohol was destroying their insides and they probably liked it, from the sounds of their stories. They just wanted to be put out of their misery, cowards, they were, but they were too cowardly to end it all.

I stayed at the bar for three hours, observing the life people led, observing the nightlife, trying to find out what made it so desirable. These people were just hurting themselves, or giving in to their little desires, their drastic desires. I didn't understand it before, but now I do. It was an escape.

My job is, in a way, my escape. It's horrible, people die, people lose things, but I still do it anyways, escaping my past.

It's something I actually enjoy.

I got up from my place, next to the window and walked to Jack's office. I hadn't talked to him in a while, and I was still fearing what Harley had told me.

"Hey honey," I murmured softly as I sat on his desk and leaned forward, kissing him passionately.

"What's up?" he sighed, pulling away from his work and placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Are you tired of me?"

He looked into my eyes. "No."

I sighed.

"Harley said you were."

"Yeah, Harley may be a psychologist but she doesn't understand my mind whatsoever, dear." he pulled me onto his lap. "I have a job to do tonight, want to come with me? I'm going to blow things up, and I need someone clever."

"Ace?"

"Why, don't feel good?"

I sighed. "Not really."

I could tell he was a little irritated, since pain wasn't something he knew very well. He enjoyed pain, so he didn't understand why it was a bad thing for me.

It wasn't a physical pain though. It was an emotional pain.

It was the pain of knowing I was not in the right job. To know that my parents wouldn't approve, and that I would have to live with this forever.

"Fine." he muttered. I'd explain to him what was wrong with me, but not now.

I went to my room and climbed out of my window, onto the roof and laid down, staring at the sky. Were my parents watching over me, or did they not care? Was Dean watching over me? Was he frowning upon me?

A tear ran down my cheek. My brother was the one who should have lived. I should have been the one to die.

Right now, he would probably be a famous, rich entrepreneur, a wonderful human being.

And I was pretty sure my parents were dead, since they hadn't attempted to contact me since they left me. . .Or could parents just abandon their child without blinking an eye?

I felt comfort in believing they were dead. I didn't want to think they just never wanted to hear from me again.

My phone went off, I took it out and looked at it. Bruce Wayne was calling.

I hit ignore, and put my phone back in my pocket without hesitation. He was not a person I should be tainting with my bad soul.

I took a deep breath, feeling a pain deep inside my chest, one I didn't think I could ever cure. I'd have to live with it. I was in love with a master criminal, and I couldn't just fall out of love. I wouldn't leave him. I would probably go insane and blow up Gotham City.

Jack Napier was my love. My love for him was stronger than any emotion I have ever felt before. It's love, and I know it in my heart that I was meant to have at least a little happiness, even if I do wrong things in life.

Everyone deserves a piece of happiness.

The roar of a van cut off my thoughts, I sat up and looked down. It was so far off the building, it would frighten the average human being, but it did not scare me. Heights were not my fear.

Jack drove off with his henchmen, the van turning every which way as his howl of laughter filled the night sky. I chuckled under my breath. I loved that man.