Hush (A Joker Story)

3: A Serious Talk

I sat on my bed and put my hand inside of my hood, instinctively going to run my fingers through my long, black hair, but instead I pulled out loose hairs from the constraints of my bun and, cursing under my breath, I fixed it and wrapped my arms around my waist instead. I found comfort in the little things a woman could do to calm down. Run her fingers through her hair, play with her necklace, maybe even set her hands on her hips, but I was not allowed to do any of that, for it would stir up a lot of questions if someone were to walk in whilst I was in that action, for it would result in accidentally revealing a sliver of my skin or hair that showed itself to be feminine.

I lay down on my bed and pushed my covers from under my back to under my bottom, then pulled them over my slim body. I shook violently while beneath my sheets, not because I was cold but because I was nervous. My anxiety was getting the best of me, causing me to feel so queasy that I was about ready to take off all of my gear that hid my identity, risking its false state to be known to everyone. 

I just couldn't take the idea that if I failed this mission, I could be killed off, like normal henchmen were. I knew when they were considering such an act, and I thought Harley has convinced Joker that I was no longer needed. She sometimes got jealous when Joker wants to spend time with me, even know she knows Joker does not find an interest in men. If she were to find out I wasn't a man, I'd probably be dead the moment it was known.

What if I didn't mess up? It was a big "if", since I saw the blueprints to this plan. He would then kill me, because if I messed up, it would cost a lot of lives from a lot of hard-working henchmen. Sure, he didn't care about some of his henchmen, but there was a difference between him killing them and me getting them killed. If he killed them, it was because they had used up all their abilities. If I killed them, it was because I made a mistake in a well thought out job of his. I was his best henchman, but if I were to mess this up, all my previous efforts would have meant absolutely nothing. 

 I was in deep trouble at this point. I could not just leave, because Joker would find me, even if I was under a disguise, there are things about me that he had to know where I joined and I knew people would probably turn me over to him in the end, and my secret would be out, and he would hate me even more if something like that had to happen.

I guessed I would have to stick around and take it like the man I'm pretending to be.

How would I be killed? Maybe he'd kill me quick and easy since I've been such a good helper. But maybe not, since I've been lying to him since day one. 

I heard a knock on my door and nearly gave them the okay to come inside, but I could not muster a male voice, nor did I have the strength to speak as it was. Everyone thought I was mute, anyways.

Pitch came in and sat at the end of my bed, her eyes lighting up for a moment as she scurried back to the door and locked it, then sat back at the end of my bed.

"So the job tomorrow." she started, I took off my mask and sat up, speaking soft in case anyone were to walk by.

"I think it will be my last." I admitted, she raised a blonde eyebrow at me, her thin lips sliding into a frown.

"You really think you will fail? How hard is it?"

"Well, we are robbing Bruce Wayne. I am in charge on keeping an eye on the man while he sleeps, but there are cameras everywhere. I think I have most of them figured out, but I don't know for sure because I cannot access all of them, so I have no idea. I'm pretty much blind. But if he wakes up or catches me on tape, or any of the henchmen, we will be in jail faster than you would believe, since that man is so rich that Gotham depends on him, so everything he says goes. Man, he could break a nail and every doctor in town would be rushing to fix it before it caused him even the slightest discomfort."

"Why did Joker plan on robbing the richest man in Gotham?"

"Because he's the richest man in Gotham!" I answered my perplexed friend and let out a deep sigh. "But none of us will ever be prepared to rob a man like Mr. Bruce Wayne."

She thought for a moment. "Try to pin the blame on someone else. It's not like any of the henchmen are gonna live long lives as it is."

She was right. I was surprised how she was even still alive, as heartbreaking as it sounded.

"I'm not going to lie."

"You have been for like, ever."

"But this lie is enough." I hesitated. "I may tell him one day."

Her eyes widened. "That's a suicide mission!"

I shook my head. "I know, I know, but he enjoys my company, Harley might not but he does, and if I make it out of tomorrow's mission alive, I'm waiting a week to tell him. If I don't, well he'll just find out while he's scraping my body off of the ground."

"Don't be so morbid."

I got up and fixed my bun. "Honey, this is the life of crime." I put my mask back on. "Everything is morbid in this life." I walked out of the room and to the home theater the Joker had for the henchmen's days off. It was empty, so I put in the movie "How to Train Your Dragon". It was a random movie, but it made me feel like a kid again. My childhood was carefree, even if I did grow up in a horrible environment. I never really got to watch movies like these in my youth, so why not watch them now?

I watched the movie until I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was in my bed. I wasn't sure who brought me to it, but whoever they were did a good job of not waking me.