Adamant(Book 1)

Heavy Losses

Riley has been gone a month for tour. Giselle is 5 months pregnant.

Giselle POV

I never realized how lonely I was without Riley.  If it wasn't for Benny and Cass, I'd be entirely alone. Ever since I saw Jodi and Kent for the monsters that they were...I realize how I don't have any friends. Maybe when Riley comes home and we go back to San Diego, I can hopefully  make some friends in the neighborhood or at a new job or something.

I spent my days doing light aerobics, taking care of Benny or helping Cassandra around the house. I usually try to talk to Riley every so often but sometimes...we only get five minutes to talk but he always tells me one thing that warms my heart.

I wish you and Benny were here with me.Or that I was there with you. But I want all of us together.

I had a pregnancy craving for more cereal with ketchup so I told Cassandra that I was going to the story to get more food and if she could keep and eye on Benny. She simply nodded and went back to watching Frozen with Benny. Personally...I want to beat up Olaf. That snowman was so cute...then he starts talking and I just...URGH! Got to get away!

==============================================

I went through the store and looked at the magazines while shopping. I saw some celebrity gossip rags where they had these mouthwatering photos of Riley and the boys working out, or hanging out by the pool yes, without shirts. I saw a caption from him that made me smile.  I'm happy to be working and on tour...but I really wish my family was with me. "  The picture was of Riley talking to Benny and myself on Skype.

Nothing has been published about him cheating on me or any drunken tantrums thrown in public.I'm relieved. The sex we had before he left was amazing but...we would be apart for a while. Would he stay true to me?

I shake my head, trying to get rid of those negative thoughts. I grabbed three boxes of cereal along with some milk and headed to the check out line. I paid for the groceries and headed out. I walked out when suddenly a man rushed up to me and began photographing me. I dropped the groceries and tried to get away when four more showed up. They surrounded me and began photographing me and yelled extremely crude comments at me.

"Is Riley cheating on you?"

"Is the baby his?"

"Why are you buying cereal?"

When I get surrounded in a sudden situation, I tend to panic.  So much so that my whole body seizes up and I have a hard time breathing. All of the sudden, one of the paparazzi photographed me and he shoved me down on the ground. I fell on my stomach and screamed for help. A group of cops that was nearby came  and they pinned and arrested all the paps and called an ambulance for me. But by this point my anxiety attack was in full swing.  I felt my eyes rolling into my head and everything went black.

=============================================================

I woke up in the hospital feeling weak and disoriented. I peered over and I saw Riley sitting there sleeping in the chair next to me. I reached over and shook him. He woke with a start. He stood up and kissed my forehead. "Are you okay? You've been out for three days!"

"The baby? What happened with the baby? Is it okay?

Riley looked at me so sadly. I saw tears rolling down his eyes.  NO!

"RILEY! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BABY!"I yelled at him.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. We...the baby didn't make it."

I felt my heart shatter and with that I screamed in pain. I tried to get out of bed, I tore the IV lines. I had to go to my baby! Riley is a liar. My baby was born early but they have ways to save it! Right? Riley held me in his arms. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry."

I began hitting him on the back in anger and terror. He should have been here! I was carrying his child and he left us! It's his fault! The madness in his life followed me and it killed my child.

NO! It's not his fault. He loves me...and he loves the baby. He would never hurt us.

Or does he need a way out of this marriage?

I felt dizzy and before I knew it I fainted again.

==================================================

Cassandra and Benny kept me company for the two days after I...lost my baby. The person who helped me through it all was my little munchkin. Benny stayed wrapped up in my arms, his body being a comfort to me. Riley, was in town but he was talking to the band and the management group about the circumstances. They all agreed to keep the tour on temporary hold according to Cassandra.

I laid there with Benny in my arms when Riley walked in. I looked at him, with anger boiling in me. I wanted to blame someone, anyone for the death of my child. It should be the father who left while I was pregnant with it.

"Benny, Nanna wants you." Riley picked him up and handed him to Cass.

"We're pressing charges against the paparazzi that approached you at the grocery store. They will be punished for what they...." he was saying.

I cut him off. "PUNISHED?! PUNISHED?! THAT'S IT?! THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?! " I screamed at him. He looked shocked by me yelling at him. He also looked hurt by what I said.

"WHERE WERE YOU? I NEEDED YOU! YOU WERE OFF AND LEFT US ALONE! YOU LEFT ME! IF ANYTHING THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!

I felt so sad accusing him but my anger and need to blame someone. I picked him since he was the closest to me. I knew I was wrong but I couldn't stop myself.

"YOU LEFT ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT! WE HAVE A CHILD WHO NEEDS YOU AND ANOTHER WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE OUR FAMILY AND YOU DESERTED US TO PLAY ROCKSTAR! EVER SINCE I MET YOU MY LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT INSANITY! I HAVE NO FRIENDS OR FAMILY! PEOPLE WORLDWIDE HATE ME FOR NOTHING. I GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO BE WITH YOU AND WHAT DID YOU GIVE UP? HUH? WHAT DID YOU GIVE UP FOR ME RILEY? I LEFT MY HOME AND MY JOB! I LEFT THE PEACE AND CALM FOR THE CRAZINESS THAT COMES WITH YOURS AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT ME! I LOST OUR BABY!"I sobbed. Riley walked over to try and comfort me but I pushed him away.

"GO AWAY RILEY. I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE! I WISH I NEVER MET YOU! I WANT A DIVORCE"

I felt heartbroken saying this to him but my anger kept me from recanting. I watched as tears rolled down his eyes. "Ellie, please..."he begged me.

"GET OUT!" I screamed.

With that I watched as my husband walked out closed the door behind him.

 The moment that door closed, I realized the weight of what I said sank in.

I drove away the one who was supposed to help me get through this. I abandoned my husband because I wanted someone to blame. He will get drunk and someone will try to sleep with him and him being hear broken and vulnerable, might do it.

What have I done?

==========================================

I know its a short chapter. I didn't have the heart to write this but it needed to be done. The next chapter will be longer. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!