Animalistic | h.s

chapter forty nine

Hello guys! I know these new updates won't be good, I've been dealing with writer's block. I understand if y'all delete this book or deleted this book already from your library or don't like these chapters. Pls don't say how much they sucked :( I'm so insecure about them. 

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Even after months of being with Harry, I still don't know what he's thinking about. There are times when I can't read his expressions. It doesn't matter how much he says he loves me, he will always mess everything up and break me down.

He's just there, outside in the rain, under a black umbrella next to a light post. He's smoking and he hasn't said a word to me since he got back. I have no idea where he went or why he's so upset about. Therefore, I wait to the rain to stop and hope he can come back inside, but as I watch him through the window, I know he's not coming back inside any time soon. He's hiding something.

I decide to get into my shoes and grab his coat to block me from the freezing wind. When I approach outside, he walks toward the beautiful fountain and sits down, stepping on his cigarette.

"Your silence is killing me," I sit down next to him.

He doesn't look at me at all, he just stares forward, and his lips are in a thin line.

"You know, I, I baked with Charlotte while you were gone. There are cupcakes left if you want to try 'em. Charlie said you would say something negative about them." I nervously laugh.

"I want you to go home." He says in a steady voice.

I pause and watch him with widen eyes, "Back inside, you mean?"

"No, go back to your mother." Harry retorted.

"Harry-"

"Why are you still here?" He asks, finally meeting my eyes, "I'm not the person you want to be with. You want to get married, have kids, and have a normal life - and I thought I could give you normal, but so far, I've been making you breathe in hell and I want you to get out of here."

"Where were you?" My tears are threatening me to fall, "What changed your mind, huh?"

"You're just too good for me," he mumbles, "I have so many things hiding from you and you don't deserve that after all I made you to go through, so - just leave."

"But I want to be with you," I pause, "I know this is not what this is about. There's more. Do you love someone else?"

"I feel that I'm keeping you inside of a box. I kept you away from your family, you haven't seen your mother, and you don't have any friends, at all, what are your hopes and dreams? Staying with me? Baking cupcakes with Charlie everyday? Go to college! Go to work! Don't end up like the fuck up I am."

"I don't get any of this! We both knew all of this before living together. What made you changed your mind?" I try to reach for his hand but he notices, and moves it quickly. "Harry. Who said I wouldn't make my dreams come true without you? You're part of my life. You know that, so why are you pushing me away?"

"Yeah you can success while being with me – then you will realize I'm a piece of shit and you will leave. I won't take it, so I'm letting you go."

"Is this what this is about?" I frown, "Harry take that out of your head. I am in love with you. I will give up everything in my life to be with you. Nothing matters to me the most but you."

"You love me?" He frowns. "You never say it."

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to leave you."