New Beginning

Chapter 11

Lavender

He came. He's back. How is this possible? I squeeze Toby's hand. It's been only about two days but it seems like an eternity since I've seen Lyric. He has dark circles under his eyes and looks like he hasn't slept in days just like I haven't. Sleep has only evaded me. It has been like it purposely ran from me just to see me suffer. Has it really only been two days?

Lyric looks at me with sadness and worry filling his eyes. "Lavender." He says breathlessly.

I am speechless. I don't know what to say or do. Before I know what my body is doing, I am running back to my room. I slam the door behind me and lock it so no one can get in. I turn up the music Toby had softly playing for me. I turn it up so loud so no one, including myself can hear my screams and so I can hear nothing but the drums, guitars, and vocals of the song Jenny by Nothing More.

How did I manage to get this attached to someone? And to a guy. I promised myself after Jesse I wouldn't allow myself to do this ever again, but here I am, four, almost five years later going through the same thing all over again. It's worse somehow though. I have been consumed by some black hole that consists of depression, anxiety, and anger. It's never ending. It just swarms around me and doesn't let up.

On one hand, I am glad he is here and I want to know why he is here. I want to know why he left me like that. He promised that he loved me. Obviously all he wanted was just sex like everyone else. And he got it. On the other hand, however; I want him to leave so I can go back to my routine of faking that I am asleep. I want to go back to wallowing in my self-pity.

I get out all my anger and turn the music down and crawl into my bed. I just lay there. Faking sleep once again. I've become good at this in the last forty-eight hours. Making people that care about me think I am asleep. When in reality for the last forty-eight hours all I have done is listen to those people talk about how worried they are through the walls. I have only carried on a real conversation with Toby. Whom, for some reason can get me to talk more than Rose can. Maybe it's because he is so much older than me and he sees me as a younger sister? Toby is twenty-five after all. He's four years older than Rose.

I don't know what it is about Toby that has managed to get me to actually have a conversation. I hear my door being unlocked and Toby walks in. He looks exhausted. "Hey." He says sitting down.

"How did you unlock that?"

"Seriously? He is here and that's what you want to know?" I nod and he sighs. "I lock myself out of the store by accident all the time. I've learned how to pick most locks."

"Oh."

He sits on my bed. "Lavender you need to face him."

"I'm afraid I'll have another panic attack."

He grabs my hand. "I know, but you have to face him eventually. He does work with you."

"I forgot about that."

"Obviously."

"If I let him come in here, will you stay in here with us?"

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

I nod. "You can go get him I guess."

"It'll be okay kid. You're not alone in this."

I smile slightly and he walks out. I hear him say. "He can come in here, but if he says anything and I mean anything to upset her, I will punch him. No warning." I smile as I hear this. God, I love Toby. Toby walks back in with Lyric trailing behind him. Toby leans against the far wall in my room. "I'm serious Adams." He says.