There's The Rub (S4 E5)

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I was sat downstairs with Debbie, Carl and Liam on my lap when Lip walked in and said "Hey guys". Debbie walked over to him and said "No way, Lip you're home". He hugged her and said "Thought it was time I stopped by, checked in". Lip then walked over to me and "Hey Y/n". He kissed my forehead as I said "Wasn't expecting you to stop by so quick".

Carl looked at him and said "How are the coeds". Lip looked at him and said "Oh, it varies by coeds, what's this". I shrugged and said "Some art". Carl nodded "Creepy because her boyfriend dumped her". Lip looked at her and said "A boyfriend?". She scoffed at Carl and said "I'm expressing my creativity, you're counting underarm hair with a mirror".

I chuckled and said "Seriously Carl, again". I handed Liam over to Lip as Sheila walked in and said "Phillip, how nice, Y/n why didn't you tell me your boyfriend was coming home". I shrugged and said "To be completely honest with you Sheila, I wasn't sure when he'd be stopping by". Lip looked at us and said "What's Sheila doing here".

Carl shrugged and said "Good question". I nodded and whispered "She kinda just helps herself around here, I guess, but the house is clean and everything so I'd put this as a good thing". Sheila looked at him and said "To answer your question, Fiona's at work and then she has a barbeque at Mike's house and I said Y/n and I could handle everything".

Lip looked at her and said "I see you're having a candle-lit dinner with yourself". She looked at us and said "Fiona said it would be okay if I had my date over, its actually our fourth date, he's quite a interesting man". I smiled and said "That's great, really great". Lip handed me Liam as he said "What's the music".

I bounced Liam as she said "Tribal Twilight recorded songs of the Menominee Indian Tribe, that would be my succotash, hold on". She walked out as Lip said "Has any of you heard from Ian". I shook my head and said "He just walked out and its been weeks". Debbie looked at him and said "Plus Fiona doesn't even care".

He then said "What about the U.S Army, you heard anything from them". I shook my head and said "Not that I know of". Debbie looked ar him and said "Why the Army?". He sighed and said "Because Ian joined up". Carl nodded his head and said "Cool". Debbie then said "Is he even old enough".

I shook my head and said "Of course he isn't old enough". Lip sighed and said "He used my name and social when he signed up and he tried to steal a helicopter". I turned to Lip and said "Ian tried to steal a fucking helicopter, what?". Carl then said "That's awesome". Debbie sighed and said "Does Fiona know".

Lip shook his head and said "No not yet, do any of you know when she's gonna be back". I shrugged and said "Whenever she gets back from seeing her boyfriend, sometimes she doesn't come back so me or Sheila look after them three quite a lot". Carl looked at him and said "Well, you could call her".

He shook his head and said "No its not the kind of news you want to deliver on the phone, hey is that the boyfriend with a toothpick in his head". She then said "Its kind of abstract, I'm calling it true love". Carl looked at her and said "Super creepy". I nodded and said "I second that, super creepy".

The Lip said "Collectors will pay millions for it one day, an early work from Debbie Gallagher's College phase, I'll see you guys later, okay". Debbie looked at him and said "Where are you going". He looked at her and said "I'm gonna ask around about Ian". Later Lip came back as Debbie and I helped him look in Ian's room for anything.

Debbie looked at us and said "What kinda clues are we looking for". I shrugged and said "I'm guessing a friend of Ian's, maybe where he could've gone to". She then said "He really stole a helicopter, doesn't sound like Ian, are you worried". Lip nodded and said "Yeah you know, it would be nice before the Army does".

I nodded and said "Fuck knows what would happen if they find him before we do". She looked at us and said "I could help look for him after school". I nodded and said "It would be great if you could talk to Mandy". The next morning Debbie came into mine and Lip's room and said "Just letting you know, now is probably not the best time to tell Fiona about Ian".

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