A shameless story (US)

Can I have a mother (S2 E6)

I was walking down the street with lip when we saw Steve and I said "Well hello there, stranger". Lip nodded and said "Who let you back into the country". He looked at us and said "They were patting down a 90 year old's diaper and I slipped but". I sighed and said "Well, where the fuck have you been then".

He looked at me and said "Brazil". Lip looked at us and said "What did you get, the works or just a tummy tucks". He looked at us and said "Just a dick reduction". I looked at him and said "I'm guessing you don't have much left then". He shook his head and said "No, still too big". I sighed and said "That's surprising".

Steve then looked at us and said "I see Tony's got a live-in, huh". Lip nodded and said "Yeah, second one this summer". I looked at him and said "What do you want with Tony anyways". He shrugged and said "Just family stuff, business, you know". From the porch Fi said "No I don't know, what kind of business".

Steve turned around and said "Morning". She then looked at Lip and said "And where have you been all night, had to send Y/n out to find ya and Grammy showed up". He looked at her and said "What, Joliet Grammy, she tunnelled out". She looked at us and said "Medical furlough". I lit a cigarette and said "Wow, different".

Lip then patted Steve's shoulder and said "Hey, well good luck". Lip then took my shoulder and leaded me inside but then walked off to the roof. I sat next to him and said "Heard something's been going on between you and Ian, what's that about, was it something he said about Karen or something".  

I sighed and said "She's getting married Lip and I'm sure you're skipping the wedding, right". He looked at me and said "I wasn't invited". I shrugged and said "Sounds like she's moved on". Lip sighed and said "Do you know if Grammy's staying". I shrugged and said "Fuck knows, but if you wanna tell her to leave feel free".

He shook his head and said "Guess we better steal fire extinguishers from the school, then". I sighed and said "I think it'll be good if you make up with Ian, you two are my best friends I cant deal when you're both fighting". Later I was with V and Fi and Fi told us about Steve being married.

I scoffed and said "He's fucking married". Fi nodded and said "Yeah, to some teenager in Brazil". V looked at her and said "She cute". She sighed and said "Very". Debs came down and said "Who's cute". I shrugged and said "Some chica with big tits, don't worry about it, not that interesting".

V scoffed and said "Beside its only that this chica with big tits is Steve's wife, and Steve is back". Debs looked at us and said "What really". I shrugged and said "Anyways, what did Adam do". Fi sighed and said "Took off, just left me there". I shook her head and said "Well, I cant blame him".

Fi then looked at V and said "How's Ethel". She sighed and said "Still in shock, the poor thing". I shook my head and said "Cant blame her must be a lot to take in, especially at her age hearing your husband got murdered in prison". Ian looked at me and said "So, who got murdered". Debs turned to him and said "Ethel's husband, Clyde".

V looked at us and said "Kev thinks the state might send her back now that her sclerotic husband is dead". Ian looked around and said "Is Grammy still here". Debs shook her head and said "No, she left with Frank". I sighed and said "Somewhere in Chicago a priest is being mugged".

Lip then walked in and Fi said "Lip, there's chicken". Lip got some chicken putting his middle finger up at Ian and they both walked off making Fi said "Still?". V looked at us and said "What's that all about". I shrugged and said "Not sure but I think its about Karen". Debs shook her head and said "Will this summer ever end".

I sighed and said "Eventually but not fast enough". Later we was at Karen and Jody's special do and I was talking to Karen. She looked at me while smiling and said "I cant believe this is happening, I'm so happy". I put my arm around her and said "Good, I'm so glad". Then Jody came over making me say "Oh here's the man".

He looked at me and said "Hello Y/n nice to see you". I nodded and said "Congratulations to you both". I walked over to Fi and V as V said "Wow she looks gorgeous". I turned around and said "Hm, slim figure, nice face, tanned skin, I'd say she's some sort of model, oh and now he's fucking talking to Debs, bet she's giving him a right kick up the ass". 

Kev looked at Fi and said "Seriously you did him in the bathroom". She sighed and said "No I didn't, thanks V". V shrugged and said "I didn't tell him". Kev nodded and said "She didn't Y/n told me". I sighed and said "I tell Kev everything, he's like the older brother I never had". Fi nodded and said "I know you tell him things but I didn't think you told him about our conversations".

I shrugged and said "Its only Kev, he ain't gonna say anything, plus I said she almost did Steve in the bathroom there's a difference". Lip then walked in making me go up to him and say "What the fuck are you doing here I thought you wasn't invited". He looked at me and said "I'm just here to congratulate the happy couple".

I looked at him and said "Have you been fucking drinking, Lip, you stink". He looked at me and said "Its hair of a dog". I sighed and said "Just go home, before you get yourself in shit". He shrugged and said "Woah, Jameson that's not gonna last long". He walked off making me sigh as I said "Fuck me, how do I put up with this".

Steve then came up to me and said "Y/n, I'd like you to meet my wife". I turned around and said "Oh, so this is the beautiful chica, well she's certainly is". She hugged me and spoke some Portuguese that I didn't understand so I said "Yup, beautiful litt- woman". Steve then looked at me and said "What's up with Lip".

I shrugged and said "I think drunk, but your guess is better than mine, anyways I better go, I'll see you later bye, bye, yeah bye". Sheila then tapped her glass making Jody say "Quiet everyone". Sheila then started her speech "I'm sorry that I didn't make it all the way down the stairs today, but baby steps". 

Jody raised his glass and said "That's right mom". She then said "Oh, my baby Karen, all grown up, I so wish your father could have been here tonight, I wish he could've seen our sweet girl, all grown up, and I know how proud he'd be of his grandbaby, no matter who his father was except Frank, heh he hated Frank, but it couldn't have been Frank, because there wasn't any penetration".

I sighed as I looked at V and said "I think she'd be surprised". She nodded as Sheila carried on "Eddie didn't like being penetrated, he had a funny bump on the side of his penis that we thought was cancer, but it turns out I was just too rough on him, so there's been some obstacles and some pitfalls, but she's made some wonderful friends along the way like Y/n over there, Lip and all the Gallaghers, people I just used to only know as the ones in that house, where the cops always come".

I looked at Fi and said "They don't always come, just often". Grammy then said "Jesus is this bitch ever gonna shut up". I chuckled while taking a sip of beer and said "Now, this is gonna be good". Sheila then said "And Frank's mother, we're just so honoured that you're here, even though you wasn't invited, and not really honoured because you're a convicted felon, but you're out, why did they let you go because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch".      

I chuckled and said "Oh shit, Sheila swearing, now that's new". Karen then said "Alright mom, lets open presents". Grammy shook her head and said "Why don't you do everyone a favour and shut up". Sheila looked at her and said "Have I offended you, in my home, where you're an interloper".

She looked at her and said "No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag". Karen walked over to Sheila and said "Okay mom, lets go upstairs". She looked at Karen and said "She called me a Wacker Drive whore, and I don't know how an angle like that man could've come out of your poisoned womb". 

I looked at Frank and said "Are we missing something, Frank since when were you an angle". Grammy stood up and said "Shut up, you batty bitch". Sheila looked at her and said "You know what, you've got a demon mind and a devil's womb and heart and your coochie smells like brimstone and sulfur".

Grammy then pulled out a gun and said "I'll fuck you up". Everyone panicked as I grabbed Grammy and said "Why don't we calm down you know let go of the gun an-". The gun went off making me aim her to the celling and Lip grabbed me but not before I got the gun off her. He looked at me and said "What the fuck was you thinking".

I sighed and said "I wasn't, but I best give this gun to Tony, where its safe".