A shameless story (US)

Its time to kill a turtle (S1 E8)

I was with the Gallaghers and Fi said "I'm going to the store today". Debbie looked at her and said "Toilet paper, I'm starting to chafe from the streamers". Carl looked at her and shouted "Toothpaste". I looked at her and said "Might also want some spray it smells like fucking sex in here".

Then Debbie yelled "Why are Steve's clothes down here". I sighed and said "Hmm, someone was fucking last night". Lip came out with Liam nodding and said "I guess someone couldn't wait until they were upstairs". Fi looked at him and said "Are we out of diapers". Lip nodded and said "Yes but I put a plug up him butt".

I looked at Lip and said "Don't you think he's a bit too young to be having plugs up his ass". Fi looked at him and said "That towel is gonna leak". Lip sighed and said "Yep, I'm on it, so my SATs gig's a bust, but I could scrape up some money another way if you need help". She looked at us and said "Its cool, I got 35 bucks".

I looked at her and said "Well I have 15 bucks if you need it". She looked at me and said "Y/n don't worry about it, I've got that temp check to pick up later, is that a laser". I looked at her and said "Lip let him borrow it". Ian who was in the shower then said "Carl got invited to some place by normal kids".

I looked at Carl and said "Wow, that's new for you Carl". Ian nodded and said "Robbie Rebello's having a paint ball party, towel". Lip looked at us and said "Well, he's not going so Y/n and I gave him the taser to play with". I looked at Lip and said "No you're not involving that laser going to Carl with me, that was you".

Lip looked at me and said "Y/n, you know it doesn't work". I sighed and said "Yeah, that's what you said, but when do you actually tell the truth". Debbie then yelled "Who's Candace". I sighed and said "What do you mean Candace". Fi shrugged and said "No idea, you aren't going Carl". He shook his head and said "No it costs $27".

Fi looked at him and said "Here". He looked at her and said "Awesome". As Carl walked out Lip said "He really wanted to go". I nodded and said "He knows we're strapped, I'm glad he can have fun with his friends". Fi looked at us and said "We're gonna have to get Liam more diapers". I nodded and said "He could really shit for America".

I was in the Alibi working a shift for Kev when Frank walked in and said "I'm a sober man". I chuckled and said "Sober my ass anyways want your usual". He looked at me and said "Didn't you hear me Y/n, I'm sober now". I looked at him and said "A JB and an old style right for you Gallagher".

He looked at me and said "Y/n look, I'm as sober as a seven year old". I looked at him and said "If your talking about how sober Lip and I was at seven nice joke man". He looked at me and said "Y/n I've been sober for 2 days". I looked at him and said "Sadly I find that really hard to believe Frank".

He shrugged and said "Well, I was unconscious for most of it but I figure if I can abstain it from alcohol when I'm out how hard can it be when I'm awake". I looked at him and said "What the fuck are you talking about". He looked at me and said "Medical study, for the next two weeks my body is a temple, no alcohol for this fella and I've got this little guy to keep me honest".

Then someone said "Hey Lindsay Lohan, how much are they paying you". Frank looked at him and said "Well who says I'm getting paid". He looked at him and said "No seriously, how much". Frank looked at him and said "Never you mind what I'm making, you should take some time taking a personal inventory of what your doing for the betterment of society".

I looked at him and said "What the fuck are you doing in a bar if you're not drinking". He looked at me and said "I came in for support, the way I see it, I've done a lot for the folk here over the past couple of years and I could use a little help from you all now, I might hit some rough patches in the next few weeks so I'd like you all not to drink in solidarity".