A shameless story (US)

May I trim your edges (S3 E3)

We was in the kitchen and talking to a cops because someone was giving a hand job on public transport in front of Debbie. I had my arm around Debbie as the cop said "Can you describe the perp". Debbie looked at him and said "Red, really red". Lip looked at her and said "What like sunburnt".

I sighed and said "I think she's talking about his you know". Ian sighed and said "What did the guy look like Debs, his face". She looked at us and said "How am I supposed to see his face behind that giant, red, one-eyed-". The cop nodded and said "Got it, okay, you did great". I sighed and said "Some dirty fuckers round here".

Lip then said "Okay, come on, Debs, Y/n and I will get you a Bomb pop or something, huh". I looked at Fi and whispered "Should've fucking stabbed him". She looked at me and said "With what". I sighed and said "Anything would've helped". I had Carl around the shoulder and Lip said "Okay, lets go".

Later we was on the computer and I said "Holy fucking shit". Lip sighed and said "There's a lot of red dots". Debbie looked at us and said "All those red dots are sex offenders in our neighbourhood". I shrugged and said "Looks like it". Then Lip said "Wait, check this out, child rapist, three blocks over, did five years in and out of probation".

I scoffed and said "How does a child rapist only get five years". He shook his head and said "He doesn't, he gets five years and the beating of his life, lets go". Carl looked at us and said "Thought we were gonna fix the pool". I shook my head and said "Not anymore, why don't you grab the bat".

Carl smiled at me and left the room as he said "Awesome". Debbie looked at us and said "So we're just forgetting the guy on the bus". I shook my head and said "Hell no, I took a self defence class when I was 7, I'm gonna teach you some things, come on". I was outside when Fi walked out and said "What the fuck".

I sighed and said "What have you fucking done now Kev". Kev looked at Fi and said "There's kids around". She scoffed and said "Think they haven't heard it before". I took a sip of beer and said "She does have a point there". He looked at her and said "What are you drunk". I shook my head and said "She's not drunk, you'd know if Fiona Gallagher was drunk".

She nodded and said "What Y/n said, and with that I'm out of my mind because you and V are the only thing that made sense to me in this whole fucked up world, okay if you guys cant make it, Jimmy and I should should just quit right now, I swear to God if you leave V". My head shot up and said "What do you fucking mean leave V".

Kev agreed and said "What do you mean, who's leaving V". Debbie looked at him and said "You're leaving V". I looked down at him and said "You better fucking explain yourself before I get a fucking bush cutter and cut you dick off with it". He shook his head and said "No, what the hell".

Fi looked at me and said "Better get the fucking bush cutters out Y/n, really Kev the notary, the divorce papers". I gasped and said "You're divorcing the wrong bitch Kev". He sighed and said "Oh, shit, I had some drinks and Cheryl dropped this kid bomb and-". A woman the came up and said "Hey".

I scoffed and said "Is this the fucking bitch". She looked at us and said "You're interrupting". Fi looked at her and said "Excuse me". She looked at us and said "Kev's trying to get to know his son, give my boys their time". I scoffed and said "You're fucking boys, I don't think so". Kev looked at us and said "Y/n, Fiona, its not what you think, Cheryl and I have history, that's all".

I looked at her and said "Well if she's history what the fuck she doing here". He looked at me and said "Just fucking listen, she's not trying to steal me from V, she just wants me to meet my son". I looked at him and said "The fact she said 'my boys' tells me fucking different Kev". Fi nodded and said "We get school wasn't your thing, but you've never been dumb".