His Tesoro (MxM)

Chapter 63

Matteo

Spade and i both sat in his office, my mind swaying from the conversation I was having with him down to the one I had with Nate yesterday, I know Nate is right and I should not give up on Stefano, but what if he doesn't even want me to fight for him.

I didn't lie when I told Nate that I don't know if I like him, I've never liked anyone before, sure I've flirted with a lot of girls, the keyword being 'girls', but I've never liked any before, let alone a guy, so it's still kind of confusing what I feel at the moment, the only thing I know for sure is that I do feel guilty for what I did to him, I don't regret the kiss, and I don't hate him at all, infact I think I think about him now more than I used to.

What if he gives me a chance and I end up fucking it up again?
I know I'm a master at fucking things up for myself, but I really want to give this whole Stefano thing a trial, and not because I feel guilty, but because I realize that he's actually worth spending time with.

"Nate told me about your talk yesterday" Spade muttered, causing me to look at him, my mind already cursing at Nate for still going ahead to spill my secrets to Spade, even after I told him not to

"Oh" I mumbled, trying to play it cool, I can just pretend not to be that affected about what was bothering me, Spade didn't have to know the extent to which I felt right now

"Yeah, now that Su finally knows you're her brother, do you think you'll be spending quality sibling time with them"? He asked and I frowned before I realized that he wasn't talking about what I thought he was talking about, he was actually talking about the sibling talk I had with Nate and Su.

"I don't know" I muttered shrugging my shoulders "I mean we have been spending time together, I don't think this makes it any different"

"If you say so" Spade muttered and I just nodded, it's not as if I don't want to bond with them as my siblings, but it's just kind of new and strange to me, I spent my whole life believing that I had only one brother and that is Spade, finding out I have not only one, but two siblings, you wouldn't blame me if I'm acting a little off, especially knowing that I'm the product of an unwanted sex.

I know they don't see it that way, but I feel like I don't fit with them, they've been together for years as family, and then I just show up, that has got to be a little weird don't you think, like the odd one out.

"Are you okay"? Spade asked after I'm sure he must have been staring at me for a couple of minutes, I looked at him and sighed

"I'm fine"

"You're not" he said narrowing his eyes at me, I wanted to roll my eyes because the last thing I needed right now is to be having a one on one with Spade about Stefano or anything that has to do with him for that matter.
"You seem distracted lately, and I know it's not about Su and the whole family thing, because according to you, that went pretty well, so do you mind telling me what's going on with you"? He asked and I just looked away from him

"I don't wanna talk about it"? I mumbled, hoping he'll understand and just leave, I really do not want to talk about it.

"Okay" he said simply, making me look at him, taken aback by how quick he was to agree with me "I'm not going to force you to tell me what's wrong with you, you'll tell me if you feel like, I just want you to be okay" he said softly, I sighed and nodded, focusing on my fingers that I had been playing with a lot recently, something I picked up from Nate

"I met Stefano the other night at a club" he suddenly said, my head whipped up and my eyes met with his, my heart beat was already threatening to start beating faster and hard, I had to take in a huge gulp of air, and I know Spade noticed my change of countenance at the mention of Stefano's name.