When I got home, I had this sense of urgency overtaking me. I needed to read those diary entries and I needed to read them fast. The faster I read them, the closer I could get to Eleanor and God, did I want to be close to her. I wanted to get inside...
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When I got home, I had this sense of urgency overtaking me. I needed to read those diary entries and I needed to read them fast. The faster I read them, the closer I could get to Eleanor and God, did I want to be close to her. I wanted to get inside her mind and see how she worked, how she felt, how she loved.
I locked my door behind me and kicked off my shoes, sitting at my desk in the corner of my apartment by a bright window. I grabbed a piece of paper and pen, ready to take notes on what I was about to read. I would need to study them after I was done.
I opened my phone to my camera roll and I swiped up until I found the first picture that I took.
"Diary entry #4
If I could go anywhere in the world, it would be Greece. Specifically Santorini. It's a dream destination for me. Of course I want to travel to places like Europe and the United Kingdom, but Santorini is the first on my list."
I jotted down the words: Greece, Santorini - dream vacation
I continued to read through the next few entries, not finding anything too riveting until I came across diary entry number 9.
"Is it weird that I'm really attracted to men that smoke cigarettes? I know, I know. Smoking cigarettes is so bad for you but... There's just something about it. Maybe it's the 'bad boy' look that comes with it but I go a little crazy for a man who smokes. I don't even smoke myself, but whenever I see a man on the street, puffing on a cigarette, I imagine myself making out with him and I get a little wet. Jesus, I'm so embarrassed admitting that!"
I groaned. I didn't smoke cigarettes and I had never even had the smallest desire to because I thought they were disgusting, but for her... I guess I'd have to buy a pack and start smoking. I hated the smell and I hated that it's bad for you, as all of my grandparents have passed due to cancer but there's a lot of things that are bad for you that people still do.
What harm would this really do?
I jotted down: Buy Marlboros
I have a buddy that smokes that brand and he says it's the best so I took his word for it even if I really didn't want to.
I kept reading, time flying by, but I didn't care. I was too engrossed in her entries.
"I want to hold hands with someone, I want to go on dates and I want to be touched like I'm the only person in the world that person would ever want to touch. I'm tired of going on blind dates that my friends set up and it ends up being a dead end. Always just a guy who thinks he's going to score some pussy and never has to speak to me again. Things are starting to feel like an endless cycle of bullshit. I want a guy to choose me and to show me that he loves me. I don't want a man that's scared of love, scared to show me his emotions and how he feels. Is every man a robot nowadays? I want a 50s kind of love. Is that so hard to find?"
I wrote down: 50s kind of love. Whatever that means. Don't be scared to love her... She likes it.
After a good hour or so, I started to come down to the last few diary entries she had. I had managed to write down some good tips when it came to her. I read over the rest of the list.
Her favourite drink is a tequila sunrise.
Not a morning person.
Goes to bed early every night.
Hates heavy metal music and country.
Loves watching movies.
Comfort shows: The Walking Dead, Modern Family, Shameless (the US version, NOT the UK version)
Favourite plant: Alocasia Dragon scale
Doesn't like people who chew loud
Hates slow walkers
Would rather stay in than go out
Loves the rain.
I flipped the page and I kept reading.
"So... I met a guy. A cute guy. He's not conventionally attractive but there's something about him that makes him hot." Ouch. Not conventionally attractive? What did that even mean? I continued, nonetheless. "I was out walking the dogs and one of them went crazy when they saw him, sniffing him frantically. We had a normal conversation and for once... I didn't feel like I was being hit on and made to be some stupid girl. He was kind, respectful. I'm not used to that. I told him to enroll his dog with my company. To my surprise, he did. Fucking Sara got him in her rotation and when I found that out, I asked my boss to make a switch. I went to his house the day of the walk and his eyes are so deep and beautiful, like they hold a million secrets. He's so captivating. Anyways, I don't know where this is going to go because he doesn't seem that interested in me, but maybe if I flirt enough with him something will happen."
I had a silly grin on my face the whole time I read that page. So she did like me the second she saw me, just like me... Maybe I should've just spoken to her the first day I saw her in that cafe. Maybe my extensive tactics weren't needed.
Flip.
"He invited me over for dinner and we had a fucking great time. He's so good at telling stories and I find myself losing myself in him. I've never met anyone as intense as him. I wonder if he even knows how intense his energy is." Was that a good or bad thing? I hoped it meant good. "The whole night, I waited for him to kiss me but he never did. My boss had to call and ruin it by asking me to do an emergency walk for triple my pay and I just couldn't pass up on it, despite how much fun I was having with Elijah. I really want him to kiss me. Fuck! I've never wanted someone to kiss me so bad before. I think it's time I end things with Richie and Carmen."
My heart instantly sunk and the smile dropped from my face.
Who the fuck were Richie and Carmen? My blood got hot and I almost felt my skin burning to the touch. Don't get me wrong, on one hand I was thrilled that she wanted me to kiss her as much as I wanted to kiss her but again... who the fuck were Richie and Carmen? She had never outright mentioned their names in any other entry so it made me wonder if these were the lazy, bullshit hookups she was talking about. They must have been.
I hated them. I hadn't even known them and I hated them.
I flipped the page again, revealing the last entry thus far.
"He kissed me. That's right. He fucking kissed me. And it was such a good kiss and I felt weak in my knees and I thought I was going to collapse. I didn't want it to end but I knew it had to at some point. I want to do it again. I think I even want him to fuck me."
