When I got home, I had this sense of urgency overtaking me. I needed to read those diary entries and I needed to read them fast. The faster I read them, the closer I could get to Eleanor and God, did I want to be close to her. I wanted to get inside...
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We got married exactly one year from the date that I proposed. Eleanor and her mother planned everything and it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I put my full trust in them and I told Eleanor to make it her dream wedding - to get any decorations she wanted, I let her pick all the colours, the venue, I let her pick my suit and the groomsmens suits. There wasn't anything I wouldn't give her the complete reins for.
We got married on a Saturday, the 13th day of July. I wore a dark green suit with a long, thick black tie.
She walked down the aisle, looking as beautiful as the first day I saw her, with yellow roses and peonies making up her bouquet, her dress white as snow and clinging to her magnificent body before twirling out in a mermaid bottom. Her veil was long, it dragged on the floor behind her. She was absolutely breathtaking.
It was a spectacular wedding, one that you see in the movies or only written about in books, besides the fact that Eleanor dropped the ring she held for me before putting it on my finger as she gave her vows. All of her bridesmaids got down on the floor searching for it, even some of the groomsmen helped. It took a while, but one of her friends eventually retrieved it. It had rolled away, back down the aisle - about halfway.
A lot of people laughed, but there was a couple that gasped - who later told us it was considered bad luck to drop the ring while giving your vows. People are silly. Was that the smartest thing to say to the newly wedded couple?
Eleanor and I paid no mind to them, but it's something that I always think of every once in a while. What did that really mean? Was it really bad luck?
We received a lot of gifts, some fancier and nicer than others. We received a knife set, a new clock (which I thought was odd but my buddy said my alarm clock was outdated so he thought it was a good gift for his low budget), $1,800 in a card from my parents and expensive chocolates - just to name a few.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her all day nor all night. Everytime we locked eyes, I just had to kiss her. It felt like I was dreaming, that I would wake up in a couple minutes, alone in my bed - the entire history of Eleanor and I disappearing, as if none of it ever happened. I've always had vivid dreams, so I found myself asking Eleanor to pinch me every couple hours throughout the ceremony and celebration to make sure I wasn't sleeping. She would always reply, "It's not a dream, babe. We're fucking married!"
Hearing those words come from her mouth was like winning the lottery. I was a lucky man for the first time in my life (besides the day I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes).
For our honeymoon, we went to Santorini, Greece. It was a pretty penny and I had a lot of thanks to give to my sister and her husband for paying for our flights as a wedding gift. They saved me a lot of money.
During the trip, Eleanor caught a cold. As a result of that, she blew her nose a lot - which I kept every single tissue and when we got back home, I locked them away in my top drawer. I wanted to have them as a keepsake to remember our trip and to remember how cute her little sneezes and sniffles sounded, how we had so much fun and fell deeper and deeper in love with each other.
Maybe you're thinking, "Couldn't you have just taken pictures or videos to remember the trip, Elijah?" Well, of course I did. I filmed us having sex, every single time we did it- and it was a lot. I didn't tell her I filmed us because it felt more real that way.
I took pictures of her whenever she wasn't looking, some I showed her but many I kept hidden for myself. The more lewd ones were hidden from her, the ones where she was changing her underwear or bra, showering, or passed out drunk after too many alcoholic beverages.
I have quite the hefty collection of Eleanor growing, and it's becoming harder and harder to ignore the desires I have inside. I want to consume her and know her inside and out, more than I already do, if that's even possible. I don't think I can ever quite explain the way that I want her, need her. I've never had such an animalistic hunger for somebody before.
Every time we finish having sex, it's like I just want to do it again and again. When we stay up late conversing about random things, I don't want her to fall asleep so that we never have to stop talking. I wish I could tape her eyes open and keep chatting all night, even if she was sleeping. At least it'd look like she was awake.
Sometimes I'll even slip small doses of Ritalin into her water before bed so that she's not tired - but not too much to where she notices there's something going on inside of her body. She'll always just mention a cute comment like, "God! I always have so much energy whenever it's time for bed. I wonder why!"
I know that I've mentioned a lot of things in this story that perhaps seem troubling, but the way I see it is that if Eleanor truly is the love of my life, once she finally reads this, she won't mind any of it. In fact, she'll see everything I've done for her, the lengths and hurdles I've crossed to prove to her that I am the perfect man for her. I'm mister perfect.
I don't know when I'm going to show her this story, maybe soon. I'm just a little worried that it'll be a lot at once for her. Maybe I'll give it to her chapter by chapter and I'll give her an explanation after each one so that she understands why I've done and said everything that I have.
I've never been great at endings. I never know how to finish them off, seal the deal, wrap everything up. I hate endings. The end of a book, a movie, a tv show. So much time has gone by, so much time put into these things, so much thought and planning - just to be finished off with one little sentence or comment.
