Summer Blue

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty- Four

Fighting inner turmoil

Sage

Blue was silent as he climbed into the driver's seat of his truck, the anger that poured from the both of us was suffocating as I clicked my seatbelt into place with such a force. This wasn't supposed to happen, this shouldn't have happened. I was pissed, with myself, with Blue, and with the entire bloody world. He can't just turn up out of nowhere and get himself straight into a fight. Lloyd didn't deserve the greeting that Blue had given him, he didn't deserve to be punched by his friend over something as ridiculous as not stopping me from playing a game of chicken.

'What were you doing here? What were you doing with him?' Blue fired, cutting into the silence of the small space. He was accusing me of something with his indirect words, but I know exactly what he was insinuating by the angry tone he spoke in.

'I'm not doing this with you, I'm not doing this here.' I motioned to the ranch outside of the truck. 'Take me home.' I demanded; I couldn't even look at him with how upset I was right now. How upset I was with him that he would find himself in another fight after being home for what? Literal seconds?

'Sage.' He ground out.

'Take me home Blue before I leave this bloody truck and find another ride home.' I shot back, turning my attention away from him to mindlessly stare into the darkness beyond the window. Blue let out a heavy sigh and seconds later the engine of the truck started up and he began the drive home. I couldn't believe this was how our first night back together had started and ended. All I wanted, still want is for him to reach out and wrap me in his arms, to hold me and make the entire world disappear for me but I couldn't have that because I was so wound up, and so was he. I was afraid that if I was to start speaking right now, I'd say something that I'd regret. He was dead wrong for how he had behaved, and maybe I was too but that wasn't something he could be angry with me for, he is my boyfriend, not my keeper, so he doesn't get to tell me that I can't feel the wind in my hair and let loose. Granted I had chosen to do that in a way that was definitely filled with stupidity but either way, he had no right to be mad that I had done it, not with me and not with anyone else. I bit down harshly on my bottom lip trying to halt its quivering, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry until the world was flooded with how hurt I was feeling at the cruel cards I had been dealt. I wanted what god had taken away from me, I wanted to be that Baby's mother, I wanted our Baby, Blues Baby and I couldn't have that because fate had made a sick joke in taking that away from me before I had really had the chance to sink my fingers into it, to keep it, to grasp onto it and hold it. It was too hard, too hard for me to tame my feelings, my pain that I couldn't for the life of me contain my emotions any longer as a sob broke out of me, the low, guttural sound, escaping before I could suppress it. My tears blurred my vision and I cried, I just let them go, let them fall.

'Darlin.' Blue called but I turned my face away from him, desperately trying to hide the vulnerability of my shattered heart. The tears flowed freely, literal rivers tracing the contours of my face. Each drop carried with it a piece of the grief and despair that had taken residence within me. A moment later the truck came to a stop, the abruptness jolting me from my internal turmoil. He reached out, a tentative hand hovering in the space between us. His voice, soft and laden with regret, called my name. I couldn't bring myself to face him, my broken facade unravelling with each passing second as I squeezed my eyes shut to hide from it all.

The sound of the door opening and closing was my knowledge of his exit from the truck before the door beside me pulled open. His presence felt both comforting and intrusive as he reached over unbuckling my seat belt before his palms encased my face between them, his touch gentle as he tried to coax me to open my eyes.