Summer Blue

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty- Three

Just a girl seeking a little normality

Sage

The world felt heavy, and my chest felt empty. It had been one week and four days since the doctor confirmed that I was no longer going to be a mother. I felt stupid to feel so much sorrow at that fact when I had only known about the pregnancy for a short moment before losing it, but no matter how many times I was to tell myself that, I still couldn't shake the feeling of loss. I was depressed to the point that I had hibernated and didn't leave the house since getting the news, the miscarriage that had stolen the future I had dared to imagine. Violet had visited me, trying to coax me into leaving the house on multiple occasions while Mickey had made it routine to stop by every night after he got off of work to check on me. I had managed to get him to agree that he wasn't going to tell Blue although he wanted to, he didn't want the weight of knowing such big a secret and not being able to tell his cousin, his best friend. It's kind of ironic honestly considering Mickey had never once in his life denied hearing details of my or Blue's life. I understood him though, it was a big ask from me, but he understood why it was that I was asking that of him. Blue deserved to hear it from me, and we both deserved to deal with it face to face, this time tomorrow I'll be able to do that, I'll be able to give him and myself that. My phone had been ringing incessantly for days, I couldn't bring myself to pick up his calls, he had called five times in the past hour alone, but I just couldn't face him. I know it was unfair of me to ignore his calls, but I didn't know how to face him when I couldn't tell him everything that I needed to, that I wanted to, I couldn't bear to face him, not now. Not when my voice would betray the pain that I was desperately trying to conceal so I had been keeping our conversations strictly texts only. Today the empty house seemed way too suffocating and that's how I found myself where I am now, my palms brushing gently over Knight. I had asked Mickey to drop me off a few hours ago, I came here looking for some kind of space and peace away from the house and away from my pain. I wasn't sure how Casey would take it being that I had just showed up at his ranch out of nowhere with no warning, but he was so welcoming, and insisted I spend all the time I wanted here and whenever I wanted.

'You doing okay Kansas?' Lloyd dragged me from my depressive stoop and mindless patting of Knight.

'I'm good.' I took my attention to Blue's friend. Leaning against the frame of the stables he eyed me with crossed arms and crossed feet.

'You sure? You seem pretty low.' He said as if it was a matter of fact.

'Just a little.' I admitted. The few hours I spent on the Morgan ranch had done wonders to lift my spirits, well compared to how I was feeling when hibernating in my bed back home.

'Well, me and a few of the boys are rehydrating, how about we cheer you up?' He offered.

'Rehydrating, meaning getting drunk?' I smirked knowingly his way.

'Potato, patato.' He shrugged sending me a devilish smirk. 'You in, or you out?' He asked pushing himself off of the door frame.

'I ain't got nothing better to do, why the hell not.' I accepted the offer, following after him as he slowly backed out of the stables.

'So, my old man tells me that you're going to be spending a good amount of time on the ranch.' He stated, making small talk as we walked side by side towards the rowdy noises I presume they were the guys from the last time I was here.

'I asked him if I could spend some time here, I find it calming here.' I shrugged, it was peaceful, especially like now, at night when the sky was dark but clear, considering we were practically in the middle of nowhere, just land after land it was almost like a haven.