Heart Attack (a HeartStopper story)

Charlie. Guilt.

Song recomendation for the chapter: Blush. - Wolf Alice.
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"MATIAS RAFAEL WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?"

Karina's scream startled both Charlie and Matias. Charlie was stunned, not knowing how to react or what to respond to Matias' story, who just told them everything that happened with Ben. After an arduous rehearsal the three of them had plans to watch a movie in Karina's room, and lying on her carpet they enjoyed a beer. Getting the truth out of him had been complicated, and once he told them the whole story... none of them could believe it.

"And you didn't look for him after that? Didn't he look for you?" Charlie looked worried. Angry and sad, but mostly worried for his friend, who had just ruined something that truly could have made him very happy. Matias had stood and paced nervously around the room, while Karina and Charlie watched him still on the carpet.

He was worried about Ben, about their recent friendship... and his plans adjacent to it with Nick.

"No...how could I look for him after doing that to him." Matias replied.

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE."

"Karina I don't know if your screaming helps" Charlie tried to calm her down.

"WHAT? ARE YOU NOT ANGRY?" Karina looked at the two of them very surprised.

"Of course I am...but I think he feels bad enough without us, his friends, making him feel worse."

"Thanks curly." Mat was biting his nails to keep himself frome fainting.

"Having said that, Mat..." Charlie searched his gaze, and trying to convey peace, looked at him sternly, and noticed how Matias responded to that. Charlie wanted to support him but he couldn't hide his opinion either "I think we both know you made a mistake, and you need to fix it."

"A MISTAKE? YOU GET AN AMAZING BOY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AFTER YOU LOST THE OTHER ONE BY NOT REALIZING WHAT YOU HAD... AND YOU DECIDE TO DO... THAT! WITH ALL THAT LOVING?"

"KARINA" This time both Charlie and Matias scolded her.

Karina took a breath and tried to contain herself. Charlie knew that Karina and Mat had a long relationship before they met him, and that gave Karina the confidence to freak out with him. "Mat I adore you...but both Ben and Charlie are my friends, and you can't keep playing with their affections like this."

"Neither they with mine!" Matias covered his face with a pillow and threw himself on the bed. Charlie felt strange to be spoken of that way in his presence, but he was grateful for Karina's support. She was right, in a way.

But Charlie knew he was guilty too. Not just a victim. "Can you explain your reasons to us?" asked Charlie.

"What was it that motivated you to leave him like that?" Charlie noticed that Karina was trying to hide her fury.

"I PANICED" shouted Matias still holding the pillow over his face. "I'M AN EXPERT AT SELF-SABOTAGING MYSELF"

"That's not an answer. Clear reasons." Karina insisted.

"Let's see..." Matias stood up straight, took another swig of his beer, and continued. "It was a very very complicated night. We both left the party very confused. We both felt jealous and strange but with deep desires for more people and for each other. It was an intense night and yes...for a moment it seemed to have a good outcome. But we started talking about how we felt like a consolation prize... and I don't know, Ben convinced me that we shouldn't obsess over that feeling, but I couldn't let go. I think we both enjoyed the night, and I really felt myself falling in love with him...a lot."