Heart Attack (a HeartStopper story)

Nick. Lying.

Song recomendation for the chapter: Deep end. - Holly Humberstone.
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The four were petrified for a second as the guilt on Charlie and Matias' faces melted, and they both held on to each other to keep the other one from falling. Ben and Nick turned to look at each other in confusion, as they both held the doors to both spaces leading into the hallway.

Ben ran away from their gaze, and Nick could feel the guilt and surprise overflowing him.

He wasn't exactly sure how... but in his heart he knew everything already... though consciously not yet.

"Char... are you okay?" Nick was the first to speak, nervously, approaching Charlie who turned to look at him with a slightly blank stare. When Mat heard Nick's voice he immediately let go of Charlie and took a step away from being between them, more nervous than he wanted to show.

"Ben can we...go outside for a second?" Mat clung his gaze to Ben, who perplexedly rotated his gaze between the three of them.

"Sure." Ben reached over to Matias and took his hand, looking at Charlie... but when Nick sought his gaze he didn't meet it again.

They both walked out into the party leaving Nick and Charlie alone at an awkward distance.

"Nick I..." Charlie had tears in his eyes and his arms crossed, and Nick noticed how he held his arm in pain, picking at the fabric above his scars, as he did when... things hurt too much.

Guilt. Charlie was overflowing with guilt and anger. Nick understood what had happened...but he couldn't let himself make assumptions.

"Can I...hold you?" Nick felt a lump in his throat, knowing that this was generated by his own guilt and whatever was emanating from Charlie. Charlie said nothing and just threw himself into his arms, clinging to his neck. Nick wrapped his arms around him and pressed him to his body. Leaning his head against his curls and rocking him a little to soothe him. As was usual with their hugs, he carried him a little and put him on his shoes. They stayed like that for a few seconds, not knowing what to say.

Lying would be easy, Nick thought. But it was all too clear... too parallel. They both knew what was going on in the opposite room. No matter how much it hurt, they both knew they had to face this with maturity and honesty if they wanted to keep the other...and keep whatever they were feeling for Matias and Ben.

"Nick I'm...I'm so...sorry...so sorry." Charlie cried, and his voice sounded cracked.

"Did Ben did something to you?"

"No.. no no no."

"Okay..." Nick understood even more. "I... I'm so sorry too beautiful... me too." Nick closed his eyes and tried to swallow the anger he felt, diluted by guilt.

"Can we... talk more calmly after the party?"

"I think we could... leave when we need to." Nick soothed him with a kiss on the forehead.

"I think that would be rude to Elle." Charlie stilled his tears and pulled back a little to look at Nick's face. They both looked serious and angry...sad and with lots and lots of guilt...but affection was the bottom of it all, thankfully. Charlie gave him a kiss on the cheek and Nick tried to smile at him sincerely, but didn't quite succeed.

"Well... we can party with her some more and..." Nick was interrupted by Ben and Matias coming back into the house, clearly angry and serious but needing to cross over the hallway.

"Guys we...we're leaving." Ben was the one who could speak. Neither of them could see them. Nick tried to catch both of their gazes but got nowhere. "I think... we can talk later, more calmly."