Heart Attack (a HeartStopper story)

Charlie. On the surface.

Song recomendation for the chapter:  Slut!. - 1989 - Taylor Swift.
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Separating from Nick was becoming more and more complicated, even though they didn't really do it that often anymore.

When Charlie walked into his college knowing it would be his last class he couldn't help but think about how much things had changed in the last few months. A part of him was excited to finish classes, but every classroom, every teacher and every useless equation or missing number had meant a refuge and a distraction in his darkest moments. But now he didn't need to be distracted, or hide from anything. Did he have to worry that Nick had given him back so much stability and peace of mind in such a short time?

He arrived at his last seminar room and sat down next to a confused Matias, who hardly noticed when Charlie entered the room. He looked tired, like the last time he had seen him. As if he hadn't had a good night's sleep since Elle's party. He typed on his computer, and when Charlie rubbed his shoulder to greet him, he just looked up for a second, smiled at him, and looked down again. Losing himself again in whatever he was typing.

"Last installments?" asked Charlie. He didn't know how he'd managed it, but with Nick working on his thesis for so long Charlie didn't find it complicated to devote himself to his final papers and turn everything in. There was also the pressure of the early graduation, which he was proud to have achieved.

"Sort of... I'm actually answering an email that pertains to you, about the band."

"Tell me about it."

Immediately after Charlie spoke the class started, so Matias couldn't answer him other than with a smile and a wink. Feeling him as his friend again was very special to him. Obviously he still saw him as something else, as he had always been, but Matias had been a key piece to his survival these past five years. Part of Charlie felt guilty that he relied on men for his own stability, but it wasn't something he could control at all.

Well, in men and in her friends, of course. Tara's voice popped into her head as he pulled out his computer and pretended to work for a while.

"Charlie you are self-sufficient even if you don't want to see it. You are talented, loved by many, independent and very very brave."

"You don't need a boyfriend to be complete dear." Elle's voice, in his memories.

It was true, he didn't need one. Although these 5 years had been plagued with fears and extremely dark spaces surrounding Nick's absence... there had been bright spaces, spaces only his. No one else's.

He had to try hard to remember that.

His mind drifted back to the conversation he'd had with his mother last night.

"Nick told me he's moving out in a little while."

"Yes! It's all set."

"Honey, before you move out, I need to talk to you about whether or not you plan to move in with him... and what that entails."

"Mom, please don't start."

"You know it's important to your father and to me."

"We talked about that mom, that's not my problem. I love you but my life is mine and mine alone."

"I think you're being very inconsiderate."

"Excuse me?"

"Your father and I..."

"Mom stop it. We'll talk when I get home. I love you. I'm not going to fight about this on the phone."

How dare they think it was reasonable to ask his to marry Nick before moving in with him? What fucking year is this?