अर्जुनप्रिया - Arjuna's beloved.
They had dreamt of a life with each other, for each other, and in each other, but the said life made them face the reality that they had to stay apart from each other for twelve long years. Those young hearts who cou...
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Arjuna pressed his palm against the sharp edge of the sword and stood carelessly as the blood spilled out. He shut his eyes as the visions from the afternoon, of Krishnaa's reluctance to meet his eyes and to serve him food slashed through his mind. He was counting every day and every second for her return to Indraprastha as she had gone away without bidding him farewell several days ago. These two months had weakened him more than those twelve years ever did.
At that time, the exile was the price that he was willing to pay because he knew that she was with him as his strength but this separation was the price that drew every bit of his life force away from him as he knew that she was not with him now, neither as his strength nor as his weakness. She refused to associate herself with him in any way and it was miserable for him when all that he wanted was her acceptance.
He was aware that it was the result of his own mistake but that awareness didn't help the ache in his heart. His conscious mind could fathom the reason for this distance but his foolish heart was longing for nothing but her love and her care, like how she was loving and caring for his brothers.
There was nothing more precious, more fortunate, more blissful and more heavenly than her warmth and her tenderness. He had been the recipient of that unadulterated devotion of hers until some years ago and he regretted the loss of that connection, that deep emotion, a rare feeling that could fill him with endless exuberance. He wouldn't find that anywhere else in the universe nor did he wish to obtain it from anyone else other than Krishnaa. He had lost more than he could ever imagine or afford losing.
But she didn't lose anything. She had become detached from him decisively. She held power over her decisions. No one could take her rightful place or her rightful life away from her. He didn't have the power to do something like that. She was agonized because of her trust in him and her hopes in him, and not because of any insecurity. None could take away what she owned perpetually, her love, her loyalty, her righteousness, her self-respect, her personality, her forbearance, none could take away what she was. She lost nothing. She would never lose herself and as long she possessed herself, there was nothing else that she could lose.
But she was his everything and losing her meant losing everything for him. She was the basis of all his virtues, all his skills, all his values, all his dreams. Before she had entered his life, it was different, but since she had entered, she had become the centre of his life. She was his inspiration, motivation, fortitude and ecstasy. She was all that he ever needed and all that he could ever want. It was his incapacity to hold her love responsibly that brought this bitterness in between them. It was his loss. His failure. Not hers. Never hers.
His brothers too had remarried and loved other women but they had done all that with Krishnaa's consent. They did not keep her in the dark about their relationships. They had married and led their lives with their other wives in front of her eyes but they did not create another world with their other wives, nor did they give Krishnaa's rights to the others. He too did not create another world with Subhadra but the physical circumstances were such that he had to stay away for two years and that would make anyone believe that he had forgotten Krishnaa.
Unlike his brothers whose commitment Krishnaa had been the direct witness of, the twelve years gap did not leave any scope for her to be certain about Arjuna's commitment after his other marriages. Though he had never given Krishnaa's place in his life to Subhadra, his absurdity had gone to the extent of giving Krishnaa's right to Subhadra. After all that he had done, he knew that he deserved the treatment he was getting but still he could not stop himself from despairing because the memories of how happy they were together once shook him constantly.
When he wanted her to give him a single glance to validate his emotion, even if she had glanced at him, it was accidental and not willing. She had looked at all his brothers and served them food with her own hands. She was a humble queen who never hesitated in serving food to her subjects but in spite of being her husband, he had become undeserving of that. If such a simple thing was hurting him notwithstanding the fact that he was at fault for the whole fiasco, he couldn't even imagine how Krishnaa would have felt when she had learned about Subhadra's pregnancy when she was faultless. If someone who commits a mistake suffers the consequence, it is fair but when someone guileless suffers the consequence of others' actions, it is unfair in each and every way.
Arjuna whimpered as his thoughts continued to attack his mind and his consciousness whereas his palm was badly injured and the blood was flowing continuously. He was not realizing his physical pain before the emotional conflict as the latter was much more painful. Suddenly, he felt someone pulling the sword away from below his palm which altered him.
"Arjuna!" Yudhishthira's loud voice dragged him out of the chasm of distress and he feebly looked up at his eldest brother. "What is this? Have you gone mad? Your palm is fully-"
"A warrior's palm has no harm through weapons, Jyeshtha, don't worry." He tried to act normal but the expression on his brother's face did not budge.
"There's a stark difference between getting wounded in battle and injuring oneself deliberately!" Yudhishthira shook his head disapprovingly.
"It was not deliberate. It happened unconsciously. I'm sorry about it." Arjuna hung his head and attempted to leave but Yudhishthira's next words stopped him, his eyes widening
"Arjuna and unconscious? What am I hearing? Have you been unconscious for the past two years, Arjuna?"
The younger brother turned around in disbelief, staring at his elder brother in consternation. "Jyeshtha?"
"I didn't want to talk about this but if I don't talk about it just because you are my younger brother then that would be an injustice to my duty towards my wife. I had seen Krishnaa tormented in your absence for all those years, Arjuna. Throughout all her joys and sorrows, she had never forgotten you. You know what she used to feel? That she was getting all that which you rightfully deserved. No matter how prosperous and content her life was, she never ignored her connection with you.
"Krishnaa is now fighting back the misery that has come unwanted into her life. You had anyway caused her unimaginable grief but you still have time to correct it. Krishnaa's steps that she is taking to stand up for herself would invite a lot of criticism because this society does not like to see wives not being subservient to their husbands and only you can thwart that, Arjuna. Do not invite pity for yourself in this way as that will bring more damage to Krishnaa's reputation. Be her strength now because she had been yours for so many years, I'm sure you can do this much for her whom you love!"
Yudhishthira tore a piece of cloth from his uttariya and wrapped it around Arjuna's injured palm as the latter shut his eyes and sighed deeply. "Arjuna, perhaps you were unconscious. But it is time for you to become fully conscious. Look around yourself and face reality!"
