अर्जुनप्रिया - Arjuna's beloved.
They had dreamt of a life with each other, for each other, and in each other, but the said life made them face the reality that they had to stay apart from each other for twelve long years. Those young hearts who cou...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
With the serenity and solitude of the outdoors, accompanied by the love and affection of her husband and her son, close to the nature that refreshed her mind, Krishnaa had attained immense relief. Far away from the mess of her life, her mind had also decluttered itself. She was able to let go of so many feelings like the anger that was burning in her veins on Arjuna for breaking her trust, the shame that pricked at her self-confidence for being so foolish, the disappointment that rose due to her failed expectations on others, she let go of each and every feeling that was detrimental to her well-being after recognizing and accepting them. Due to how all of them were entangled, it was impossible for her to realize what all were troubling her peace of mind when she was facing continuous challenges at the palace. But the silence had given her an opportunity for self analysis.
Vrikodara was occupied with his duties but he always ensured that he returned on time and spent the rest of the day with her and Shrutasena. The son of Sahadeva loved staying outside of the palace and he made his mother too experience the childish joy of noting and appreciating every small detail around him. When they shifted to the other towns of the kingdom which were situated away from the Yamuna banks, their surroundings had changed to bustling streets and busy markets from the calm river and the cool breeze.
On one of those days when Vrikodara returned much earlier from his inspection, they had decided to go to the market nearby in disguise for purchase. They had bought a few mud toys for Shrutasena as he was obsessed with mud lately. Vrikodara had suggested Krishnaa to buy some bangles for herself and though she wasn't particularly interested, she chose to keep his word. As they were crossing the stalls filled with cosmetic items, Krishnaa's sight fell on the row of combs at one place. Her feet stopped moving and she stared at the combs with her misty eyes.
Vrikodara noticed her sudden change of expression and following her gaze towards the combs, he grasped the line of her thought. He placed his palm on her shoulder as she slowly turned her sight towards him. Her uncharacteristic smile frightened him as she was gloomy till then. She stepped forward and picked up one of the combs with intricate designs.
"Why are you smiling?" He couldn't stop himself from questioning her as she contemplated on which comb to choose from the range of options.
"I'm tired. I can't be distressed and upset anymore as that's causing more damage to me than to others. But I'm not repressing anything within me. I'm willing to let go of these emotions while being fully conscious of them. I'm not losing my life to keep lamenting about it forever. I have many people who love me unconditionally. For my parents and my brothers, I'm their whole universe. Mata Pritha loves me as if I'm an extension of herself. For my four husbands and my four sons, I'm the most important person on whom their life revolves around. I do not require the loyalty of someone who prioritises others over me. Let him be happy with his choice and I'll be happy with mine. I'm choosing my happiness, Natha."
"Why are you buying this comb?" He asked her instead of responding to her words as he did not know how to feel. He was glad that she was coming out of her shell but he was also worried about her relationship with Arjuna. He knew that it wasn't easy as she was saying it. It would be another difficult feat for her to achieve, to act normal about Arjuna's relationship with Subhadra. All these days since their arrival, she was living inside an invisible wall that she built around herself. But she was breaking that safety measure by deciding to forsake her resentment and to lead her life with the same normalcy as before.
"For Subhadra. Her Simantonayana will be celebrated in a couple of months and she will need this comb for the ritual. Arjuna can't buy her this. I will, because I have the right on this comb. He needs to know that my right cannot be snatched from me unless I allow it to. I won't make an issue out of it because my self-respect as an individual matters to me more than my pride of being Arjuna's wife. The gift of this comb will be the sign of my true acceptance of her place in his life and there will be no question of ambiguity from my side after this. I'm freeing myself from this constraint," she said gravely as she reached out for the bag of gold coins in his hands.
"You said you are choosing your happiness, Panchali, are you happy to allow Subhadra to take over your right?" Vrikodara was baffled with her words which seemed too complicated.
"I'm not happy about that and I will not be happy to allow it either. But once I do that, I will be happy. I'll get rid of these unwanted conflicts, both within me and around me. I'll stop feeling so deeply wounded. Subhadra will also stop feeling frustrated about my conduct. The stability of the household will be restored." She took the coins out and paid for the comb before walking away from the stall, Vrikodara following behind with Shrutasena in his arms.
"I hope and wish that you regain your happiness. If you think this will help you for that, you should definitely do it, Panchali. But please do not do anything out of any kind of pressure. You have sacrificed so much already."
"Don't worry, Natha, this is not any sacrifice. I'm not doing it not out of pressure. I'm doing it because I have the right to do it. I also have the obligation towards my own respect to demonstrate my rights instead of standing in a corner and crying over my fate. I'm the queen-consort of the Pandavas and it's my kindness and my endurance that let this happen, not my helplessness. And the world has to know that I'm not helpless!" She stated firmly though he could sense the wetness of her eyes. He was awe-struck at her courage for the umpteenth time.
