अर्जुनप्रिया - Arjuna's beloved.
They had dreamt of a life with each other, for each other, and in each other, but the said life made them face the reality that they had to stay apart from each other for twelve long years. Those young hearts who cou...
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Krishnaa leaned onto the headboard of the bed, her palm clutching the pillow for support as she took deep breaths, trying to calm her racing thoughts which were in conflict with each other. She shut her eyes tightly as she attempted to wipe away the haze of perplexity from her mental vision.
She was not jealous of the Naga princess Ulupi as she had accepted Arjuna's decision whole-heartedly and she was glad that there was someone who cared for him in these tough times of loneliness. Her belief in his love for his Krishnaa was unshakeable, but it felt so odd to be out of his life when she had promised to be there with him through every moment with fire as the witness. He had taken another wife and she, his first wife, who cannot meet him for eleven more years, was being informed about it from afar. She would have preferred to know something like that from her husband himself and never like this, but she had no choice.
She was a Kshatrani and she always knew that her husbands would take other wives. She had welcomed Vijayaa and Balandhara into Indraprastha with open arms. When their marriages occurred with Sahadeva and Vrikodara respectively, she was right there, and she had witnessed how her husbands were devoted to her despite accepting and loving their other wives. But neither had she imagined nor had she known how Arjuna would behave in such a scenario. She had no chance of witnessing it or knowing it either as she was so distant from him, and for the first time, the distance between them seemed more than physical. It brought an unwanted heaviness into her heart and she could feel warm tears trickle down her cheek.
She was aware that his love for her was eternal, and she had no doubt on his loyalty towards her and her love, but she could see the void called distance looming over their love like a large mountain and it disturbed her serenity. She wanted nothing but one word from him, not for any evidence of his love, but to just feel his love once again which had become an allusion for her since the last message of his that Kalindi had brought. She cannot afford his love being limited to an idea that grew in her mind, a concept that she cherished, a feeling that lingered in her heart, and a memory of her past and a dream of her future. Why is it so complicated and difficult? Why couldn't it be easier and smoother?
'Stop thinking hypocritically, Draupadi! She chided herself. 'You were stable a few praharas ago, so confident that you'll pull yourself through another eleven years without him. You are enduring this separation patiently for valid reasons. You assured Mata herself about Arjuna's marriage with Ulupi, that you are not against it. Then why are you crying? Why are you turning despondent?'
"Panchali!" Vrikodara patted her arm and called out for the umpteenth time, pulling her out of her lost state. She looked up at him once and then lowered her gaze, pushing her tears back. She was abashed for the feelings she was having which she did not know how to term or understand. She didn't want to be sad about the news yet she found herself shedding tears.
"Don't punish yourself for feeling anguished, Panchali," he voiced gently. "You are living separately from him and this will continue for more than a decade. It wouldn't be normal if you do not get hurt after this. You love him so much, I know that. You pray for his happiness and welfare, I know that. Some situations demand two extreme emotions to be manifested at the same time. You can be happy and sad at the same time. You are happy for Arjuna and Ulupi, but the anguish you have, cannot be called selfish. You are feeling this way because you are unable to be the reason for his happiness. It is okay to let your tears flow, Priyae, it is valid!"
She sat stunned for a split-second and then embraced him tightly, sobbing on his shoulder as he rubbed her back gently. As she poured out all her grief in the form of her tears, the burden of her heart gradually turned lighter. As the conflict in her mind receded, Krishnaa gulped and finally decided to speak up. "Thank you for giving me the strength to deal with this obstacle, Bhimasena, and making me realize that my feelings were not wrong. Life is multi-shaded and multi-layered, and each feeling and each action has its own place."
"You too are well aware of this, Priyae, that our Arjuna would not take any step without thinking about you. Whatever he does, he'll seek for your welfare and your happiness in that," Vrikodara reminded, his tone even and serene.
"I understand, Natha." Krishnaa sighed softly. "Ulupi had lost all the joys of her life. Arjuna accepted her as his wife though the Kuru line does not allow the marriage of a widow. If he asked me for my advice, I would have told him to do the same. It's just that the separation is affecting me. It's giving me unpleasant thoughts. I wish I could hear from him once but..."
"Shall we try to contact him through messengers?" He suggested. "We can send a bunch of them through the different routes that lead to Dakshina Bhumi from Gangadvara."
"It would sound like I'm questioning him... but I'm not looking for answers. He need not answer me because I know what his answers would be more than he does. Moreover, if he does not want to be contacted, it would be improper of us to send the messengers. He had deliberately diverted the attention of our messengers from the borders of Kuru Rajya before. If at all he has something to convey, he will have to find a way on his own, Bhimasena."
"You are so tough, Panchali." He shook his head affectionately. "In this emotionally vulnerable state, you are still considering all the aspects. That's what makes the five Pandavas revere you. With you as our strength, we'll win over the world, believe me!"
