Just a Pucking Kiss [COMPLETED]

Chapter 42 - Getting back out there

In the mirror, I see him looking at Kat, who just shakes her head.

"JD isn't going to like this," he mutters, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Then his face fills with panic. "JD didn't.... Did he?"

"No, of course not," I say, and he relaxes. "And JD doesn't need to know the specifics. He already knows what happened."

Brick looks confused, but doesn't say anything as we head out and pick up Lydia.

The party isn't too large, and Kat keeps her promise. She sticks by my side like she actually did put on those handcuffs.

I avoid the alcohol, figuring it doesn't mesh well with the concussion. Even though I'm feeling almost as good as new. The music is loud and confusing at first, but I decide to play into it and dance and enjoy myself.

Until a headache starts to build. The music becomes overwhelming. Kat is dancing with Brick and for once not glued to me, so I lean over to Lydia and ask her if she could come with me outside for a moment.

"Yeah, sure," she says and I take her hand so I won't lose her. Kat glances over at us, and I give her a reassuring smile.

"Are you ok?" Lydia asks when we're on the screened porch. It's cold, but not unbearably so. We sit down on a swing and pull a blanket over us.

"Not really." I take a deep breath.

"I tried to text you last week. But Kat said you had some phone issues?"

"What do you know about what happened at the party after Rivers won?"

"Not much. I know that Rivers' social media has been scrubbed and very few posts about the party are still out there."

I can't help but smile at that. I know it's mainly to protect the River Otters, but I also know it's to protect me.

"Yeah, things got out of hand."

"There's more to it than that," Lydia says. "There has to be. I don't even know who has the power to remove all the posts."

"The hockey team. It kind of looks bad for them if one of the players throws someone through a glass wall."

"Oh, my god. Who got thrown through a wall?"

"I did."

"Are you ok? Is that why you weren't at school? Who threw you? And what the fuck happened at that party?"

"It was when I was leaving."

The tension in me coils as I start telling the story. Lydia listens and asks questions, and as the words come out, so does the tension. Bit by bit, I relax as I work through the evening's events. When I'm done, I feel exhausted, but better.

"Does JD know about this?"

"I talked to him the Sunday after. The conversation is a bit hazy, because of the concussion, but yeah, he knows what happened. He seemed to think it was my fault. I've never understood people who victim-blame like that."

"I don't know JD all that well, but I don't want to believe that of him. Then again, before Wes and I went public, he said some nasty things about me. Maybe he just has a weird view on women?"

"Maybe."

We sit in silence. I know JD has a weird view on women. I just never thought victim blaming was a thing he did.

"Do you want to talk to someone?" Lydia asks quietly.

"What?"

She's staring at her hands.

"I go to a therapist to deal with my parents' death and it's helped a lot."

"I'm fine," I say and hope that's true.

"You might want to speak to someone, anyway. I didn't at first, and for over a year I tried to fix myself with some pretty self destructive behavior. I didn't even realize I was doing it."

Do I need to speak to someone? I've always turned to my parents with things like this. But maybe there are other people out there who know if what I'm feeling is normal.

"I'll think about it."

"If you want, I can give you the details for my therapist, only I'm not sure how much it costs because my aunt is paying for it."

I nod. A therapist. Do I need one? I know they help a lot of people, but I'm strong. I can take care of myself.

Tears appear, and I blink them away. I was raised to be self-sufficient. I can take care of myself. I should be able to take care of myself.