Hue In My World (Indian BL)

42. Wifey tries to win over his man!!

It was 2 past midnight. But Nakul's tossing and twirling over the bed won't stop. He couldn't get a wink of sleep. Things around him were a bit....weird. Weird would be an understatement. They were simply the consequences of his own actions.

The bed had never felt so awfully cold to him. He turned to his side once again, to steal a glance at the man he was sharing the bed with. The man was as still as a marble statue. But what irked Nakul the most was how Dhiraj had turned his back at him. That was something that had never happened before. Usually their routine would look something like, Nakul heading to bed first. He would lie down, with his eyes closed but not falling asleep, silently waiting for his man to turn in, to sleep. Once Dhiraj would be done, the puppy would sneak into the sheets, putting his arms around his baby. At first Nakul would pretend he was sleeping and had woken up because of Dhiraj. Pretending as if those cuddles weren't something his heart had been aching to experience. He would try to shrug Dhiraj off, but the puppy kept clinging on to his master. Their spooning session would begin, leaving Nakul secretly grinning on the inside. Sometimes the cuddling sessions would turn into something more. And sometimes......it was simply about feeling that warmth that the other person exuded.

Has the bed always been this cold? Nakul kept staring at Dhiraj's back. Nothing had happened between them after that 'talk'. But that was exactly the problem. Nothing had happened. Dhiraj had been angry with Nakul in the past, but ignoring him was something he never did. But that day, neither did he eat with Nakul nor did he talk. He didn't even look at his baby. And when the night arrived, he headed to bed without saying a word. Suddenly Nakul felt as if there was an invisible wall between him and Dhiraj. Even though he's just an arm's length, it feels as if....as if he's far away from me. That was it. Nakul couldn't bear it any longer. Nakul got out of the bed, trying his best not to make any sound so that he doesn't disturb Dhiraj.

He headed towards the kitchen. His hand almost naturally went towards the bottle of alcohol, as he gulped it down. It burned his throat. His eyes fell on the glass bottle. It was odd that lately he found himself grabbing a bottle of alcohol, whenever anxious thoughts took over his mind. The alcohol numbed them down[the thoughts]. As if they quieted all the horrendous voices and doubts going on and on inside his head. He gulped more of that alcohol.

What the fuck is going wrong?! The alcohol didn't seem to work this time. Why? JUST WHY does it feel so.....gut wrenchingly AWFUL whenever I see Dhiraj with someone else. I....I was never a jealous man. Even when I was with Purvi[his ex] I never felt his way. She had many male friends. Many close friends. But...But I never felt as if...I should....blindfold her eyes so that she could only depend on me....or... His mind started picturing Dhiraj with a blind fold. What if that was to actually happen? What if Nakul could do something that could Dhiraj look only at him, listen to his voice only. Only feel HIS touch . Only want HIS presence.

He realized the direction in which his thoughts were heading to. What the fuck am I even thinking? The question changed to a slightly different one, but one that did shine light on the problem. No! Why DO I keep thinking this way lately? That...that....I want to do something to make him look only at me......?!

The more Nakul pondered upon it, the more dots he connected. NO! No....NO! It's the same.....Those images that flashed in his head along with the distinct recollections of the way he felt during those times came back to life. The similarities between them were uncanny. The same gut wrenching anxiety. The same level of disbelief. The way his blood boiled. The way he just....wanted to do something to mark Dhiraj as "his". The fog that took over his mind. Everything. Everything is the same. The time when he was in the states. That time I nearly......He covered his mouth with his hand at that realization. Or when I saw the articles about him with that woman. When I met her. Every time I saw them together. How I went to his office so that I could stop him. And....and yesterday. He slowly got towards the ultimate conclusion. He crashed on the floor once again. All these times I....felt....the same suffocation. The same stifling anger. The same need to.....do something to bind Dhiraj to me. And it's all because......I'm the monochrome.....