What was I made for ?..

Lans

To my Lans,

I'm sorry that this letter finds you at such an unfortunate time and I'm so sorry that I had to leave like this, you deserved a proper goodbye.

I just want to let you know that I am ok, and that I'm happy. I finally have my freedom, I know that you'll be happy for me too. Since the day I left 10 years ago I knew this is all you hoped for me so please don't be scared or sad now. Don't lock yourself away because I'm gone, go out and enjoy life. Fall in love, with these races and most of all win the championship you've been dreaming of all your life. I won't be there in person but know in your heart I'll be supporting you ever step of the way.

I know I didn't have to leave you, but it was the only way I could not be selfish and let you be free too. I hope that you will forgive me for this one day, but I hope you find the beauty in it... you deserve nothing but the world. Rxperience it to the fullest. Please for me.

If it wasn't for Ferrari I could picture us now waking up before dawn, going to our favourite bakery just down the street before heading to the pier in time to see first sun. We would talk about how happy we are and how much we were excited for life, but now we find each other in different paths.

I would be lying to you if I said I didn't love you, because I did and I do... Sometimes I think what if I had bumped into you instead of Charles now, would we be where he and I where?

And about Charles please don't hate him. Please don't shut him out. He needs you more than ever at this time. I know it looks like he has everyone but he doesn't...he's just a scared little boy, scared to lose someone else. He doesn't mean to hurt the ones he loves, he unfortunately thinks it's the only way to love them to keep them safe, whether from him or the outside world. He's pure. He's innocent. He's that little boy we would see running into his dads arms, who would smile at Jules and he's collecting his trophy. Don't hate him because he's damaged. Find the beauty in it... I did and that's why I love him so much.

I'm sorry for rambling on but I just have so much to say. Lans, you are one of the greatest people in my life, and I'm so glad I managed to find you again. I know I've left when we've only just got our fresh start, but I promise you I had no choice.

You're the bestest friend I could've asked for lando, and I'm so sorry if I've ever hurt you along the way. You never deserved that, I wouldn't take back anything that we did, it was pure and it was real, I'd just take back what happened after. I shouldn't have let you walk out that door that day. Our friendship shifted forever and I'd never want you not wanting to know me ever again. If when I come back and I fall back in love with Charles, please don't ever leave because a part of me will always love you and I will always need you. There's no me without you anymore...

In the box you will find a few of my memories that I kept from my past. All of these have purpose. In the box is also two more letters, one for Toto and one for Charles. You won't have to worry about Charles. However the letter for Toto I need your help. On his birthday next month, when I will be gone. I need you to give him this box with his letter attached.

In my freedom I don't want to lie anymore, and after my outburst he deserves the truth. I know you guys were working behind my back to figure it all out I think it's only right that you tell him too...

I will love you forever Lans
Until we meet again whether in this life or the next goodbye x