What was I made for ?..

Something in the orange tells me youre never coming home - Charles

I hoped into the shower as I waited for lando to return. I knew he would be a while, he had a lot to process, he lost his girlfriend and best friend in one night. In these past 24 hours I feel like I should've been angry at lando. For everything. For being in love with her, when in reality I've never felt more sorry for him.

If Ferrari didn't force me to marry Mila, maybe her would've seen her again. Running through the streets of Monaco, her hair dancing over her freckled face and her eyes illuminating in the street lights. He might of met her in the harbour, singing along to her favourite songs as she danced in the moonlight, the waves crashing over her feet. She loved to sing and dance.

Maybe I would've met her again too...

As the hot water ran over my skin, I feel her body once again close to mine. Her fingers delicately tracing over my body, just as they were hours ago. I open my eyes hoping to see her there but she wasn't... something tells me she's never coming home.

I get out the shower to consumed in my thoughts, to stay there any longer. I throw on any hoodie and shorts I find and wait for Lando once more. As I paced around my apartment I entered my study. The walls were lined with all of my favourite literature and art that I have collected whilst travelling. Mila would spend a lot of time in this room, because at the centre was a piano.

She would always sneak in here when she thought I was busy or distracted, but for her I never was. As soon as I heard the sound from her fingers hitting the keys, I would hide behind the door frame and listen to her sing. Her songs were always so sad.

I took a seat at the piano and brushed my fingers against the keys should we play. I gently pressed to hear her sound. My fingers continued as my mind feminised of her playing. I couldn't help but sing the words she once did.

'When did it end? All the enjoyment
I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend
It's not what he's made for
What was I made for?
'Cause I, 'cause I
I don't know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don't know how to feel
But someday I might
Someday I might'

As I sang along, I finally heard everything that she was trying to say. Only now understanding. My eyes began to well as I thought of her suffering all this time. Her heart broken because of me, I took her life and her freedom on our wedding day. I was the reason she was trapped, the reason she was sad. She thought her only purpose was me.

I can't believe I was so blind to see. I really hope she knew my love was real, that she was real to me. That she was made to share her pure love and joy with everyone that crossed her path, that she was made to be loved, honoured and praised. That she was made for so much more...

She was everything.

My cheeks were now once again stained by my tears, my fingers still playing her song. I caused her so much pain. Lando was right I really did have to let her go. My heart shattered for her just like hers did for me. I owe her everything, I owe her my life, I will spend the rest of my days making it up to her by letting her go.

"What was I made for?..."

And like us the song was over. She was gone and I was here. She was the sun and I was the moon. She was like fire whilst I was like the rain. Everything finally made sense.

"You finally understood the song huh?" I hear from behind me.

"I did." I reply not looking at the voice behind me to ashamed in this moment.

"You know she loved you right?"

"I know... I'm just so ashamed that I made her feel this way..."

"Charles, you're still not understanding."