What was I made for ?..

Through the looking glass

Monday 13/05/23

We had finally landed in Saudi Arabia. The warm hair hitting our face as soon as we departed the aircraft. The sun was begging to set. Charles hand was locked into mine guiding me down the stairs. Cameras were flashing around the aircraft capturing every movement. No surprise there, who would miss the opportunity to capture a group of drivers and one newly married couple. It was to be expected.

Once my feet finally hit the ground, Charles let's go of my hand, sliding his arms around my waist. To the cameras he's the loving supporting husband, to me... I don't know. I don't know who my husband is. His touch feels cold not warm like Landos earlier. It felt forced again. I smile through my thoughts, placing a kiss on his cheek and he smiles widely at my actions.

My eyes divert to where Lando is standing a weak smile, forming on his face, he turns away to face the rest of the drivers as they head into the car, taking a seat next to Max (F). I watch as they drive away.

Me and Charles are guided to our own private car. A Ferrari v12 spider to be exact. Charles opened the passenger door for me before sliding in next to me in the drivers seat ready to drive the car. We drove through the street of Saudi Arabia, listening to Coldplay. The song 'Yellow' starts to play.

'So then I took my turn
Oh, what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow'

...

'I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh, what a thing to do
'Cause you were all yellow'

'I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh, what a thing to do
And it was all yellow'

He was my yellow... as the song played I noticed my self staring at him as he drove through the busy streets of this beautiful city. I would do anything for him. Did I love him? No. But I could see myself in his arms, travelling the world with him. Supporting him, waking up to him, caring for him... I could see it all. Even though I didn't love him yet, he was my future. I accepted him when I said "I do."

He turns his head, catching me watching him drive. He lets out a warm smile. My face immediately blushes. His actions this time were pure, yes we might not have wanted this marriage. But we were going to try to make it work. That was our unspoken promise to each other, right here before the stars, before Chris Martin, we both knew in this shared look that we would try.

We arrive at our hotel, Charles hands the keys to the valet before helping me out the car. Cameras once again capturing our every movement. We make it inside, our rooms already checked in by  the Ferrari team, Mia meets us in the lobby handing us two keys guiding us to our hall. We arrive at our room... or should I say rooms. We were separated by a wall, Charles placed a quick kiss on my lips and said goodnight before escaping into his room, leaving me alone to enter mine.

Once I was settled in my room, I connected my phone to the wifi, finally relaxing on my bed. My phone was going crazy from all the notifications coming through. The world was in a frenzy over me and Charles. I finally click onto the instagram app after giving my phone a moment to calm down over the sudden attack of notifications.

My personal profile had completely been rebranded, I'm guessing thanks to Mia and the media team. My username now sporting my new surname. Mila Bella Leclerc... That's who I am now. My following had increase by 200,000 and was still rising, as well as having the drivers follow me too.

A notification pops up at the top of my screen.

[LandoNorris] Hey Mila, if you ever need anyone to talk to just know I'm here. My number is *********** . Sweet dreams :)

My heart skips a beat at the sight of the message. Lando really was an amazing person, our first interaction as adults those months ago in Monaco was not a true portrayal of who he really was. When he was a boy he was always the cheeky one, pranking everyone while boasting a huge grin. He was a fierce competitor... it's shame he didn't remember me. Maybe he did. But the old me died the day I left Monaco, 10 years ago. Thank you for that mother.

I replied back to him, instantly. Thanking him for all the kindness he had shown me. We really were going to be the best of friends. I could feel it, in every interaction that we had shared.

My mind wondered back to my original thought. My past. Do you think they mourned me when I left. I was just gone. Not a trace of me left behind. My father being the last thing they had of me. Who himself had no idea of my well-being, to no fault of his own.

Do you think they'd all accept me back? Accept the girl they knew all those years ago? They were the only ones who knew the real me, the happy Mila Bella Wolff...

Now I am not her, she died along time ago, a little piece of her breaking away every time my mother had hurt me. Leaving only Mila. Not a girl. But on object. That's all I truly was.

Mila Leclerc. Is who I am now... but who is she? I have to learn how to be her, I need to create her happiness, I need to create her life. I have the power to do that now. Now that I'm with Charles I am finally free. I have the freedom I craved, the freedom that I longed for.

Yes Ferrari, still had control over my relationship, my public appearance and my schedule. But for the first time I finally had control of my life, my freedom and my friends and my heart. It was a heavy price to pay what I had receive in return but one thing kept me going that I finally had some control.

I could see my father, I could be near the only love I've ever known. Whilst I couldn't do it as Mila Wolff, I could do it as Mila Leclerc, Charles wife. I finally figured out who Charles was... Charles was my freedom and for that I will honour and love him. Whilst not romantically yet, I will learn to love him ... for him. To thank him for the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. My life. Thank you Charles ...