Sarang- Life Of A Kpop Soloist

Breakdown and Fan Song

"Is this the end for me? Is this the end for my music career?"

To some it might seem like she was overreacting and thinking too much. But imagine not being able to do something you've done for the majority of your life. Something that not only is your joy and source of relief and comfort but also your source of income?

Music was the reason so many people were interested in her. What will Sarangdan think of her if she stopped making music?

Of course she could take help of other producers and composers to make new music. That wasn't that hard, but what brought her the ultimate joy was to perform songs that she had made. It was her story that she wanted to tell from her perspective. How can others capture those feelings for her?

She could already imagine the thousands of articles ridiculing her for not participating in her own album.

Sarang drew in a deep breath before whispering, "At this rate, I'm going to crazy."

She thought of the time she had stood on the stage for the very first time. The time she had performed in front of her fans for the very first time. She could still vividly remember each and every person's face from her debut performance.

Their voices still ringing in her head. Her name being cheered by their enthusiastic voices. The way they all laughed with her, cried with her and comforted her.

What was Choi Sarang without her music? What was Choi Sarang without her fans?

The answer was plain and simple; Nothing. She was nothing without her music and her fans. They made her who she was.

In a move of anger and desperation, Sarang threw the wine glass she was carrying. It crashed and broke into tiny little pieces as it hit the ground, the wine spilling everywhere.

"WHY? Why is this happening to me?"

Sarang cried out as she ran her hands through her hair. All of a sudden, all her bottled up emotions came tumbling out of her and escaped through heaving sobs.

The pandemic had taken too many lives, destroyed the livelihood of millions. She too had lost people to Covid. Their deaths so sudden and unexpected that no one saw it coming.

She thought of Park Mijoo, her classmate from high school. She was a very bubbly and lively girl, always smiling and laughing about something or another. But just a month ago, Sarang was shocked to hear the news of her passing.

Sarang thought of her maternal aunt who had lost her two children and husband to this pandemic. Sarang wasn't close with them but the fact that kids so young died so unexpectedly like that was jarring.

What's even more heartbreaking was the fact that due to the restrictions people weren't even allowed to hold funerals like they normally would. Only the close family members were present at the funeral. Or sometimes not even them.

So many people didn't get a chance to say proper goodbye to their loved ones. One minute they were laughing and having fun together and the next, they were lying in a casket, probably wrapped in lots of protective gear.

Everywhere around her people were grieving. Grieving for their loved ones, grieving for themselves, grieving for the time they lost. The horrors everyone had seen was enough to traumatize anyone for years to come.

Sarang was scared. What if the next news she gets is of someone close to her succumbing to the pandemic? What if she loses someone she has loved dearly? How will she move on in her life?

She thought of her family, her friends, her fans. How can she live without any of them?

And yet, the living must live on, people had to go on about their daily life as if things were the same. Things which were considered weird or even never thought of were slowly becoming the new "normal".

The fear of losing a loved one in this hellish pandemic was ever present. The loneliness was gnawing at her insides, the desperation clinging onto her as if she was about to snap. She yearned to be heard, to be on stage, to be with her loved ones.

She had seen so many posts online about people expressing their feelings and it was absolutely devastating to read a lot of those stories. Sarangdan had constantly posted online about how her music was what kept them going, how can she abandon them in such a time?

Sarang had always been thankful of the fact that she was a source of warmth and comfort to many people. This was the reason that made her strive for more, to produce better music so those who relied on her for comfort, can seek it even in their darkest of the days.

Sarang stood up when startled as tears formed in her eyes. She rushed to grab a notebook and a pen and sat down. The broken glass and spilled wine, just a meter away from her.

Sarang poured all of her feelings into the notebook. Soon one page became two, two became three and three became four. In less than two hours Sarang had written 9 new songs. Nine.

Sarang sat back in her seat as she stretched a little. She couldn't help but smile even as tears slipped past her eyes.

Her music was back. She could feel her heart thumping in the way it did whenever she wrote new music. She felt like after waiting for an eternity, she could finally breathe.

This was what made her feel alive.

Sarang hummed happily as she got up to clean the mess she had made. She cringed slightly as she thought of how much of an emotional mess she had been not even three hours ago.

"Choi Sarang you crazy bitch." Sarang chuckled to herself as she cleaned up everything.

A week later, the travel bans were lifted and Sarang drove to Seoul. It was the easiest way. She didn't have to worry about spending hours on airport checkouts or getting into contact with someone who might be infected.

Plus she loved driving.

Two weeks later "Hang In There, It'll be Okay" was released.

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A/N:- Fuck Covid.

This chapter might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I wanted to make things as realistic as possible. Pandemic was hard on everyone, Sarang would've been no exception.

And since she's an idol who makes her own music, it's natural for her to experience slump and depression cause of it. I wanted Sarang's character to feel like a normal human who became an idol and not some godly being who hasn't experienced all of this.

Loss, anxiety, depression all of these are human emotions we all experience to some extent. Being an idol is not all rainbows and sunshine so I hope that came across right through this chapter.

I hope this doesn't seem to boring for you guys.

What do you think of the chapter? Do you guys like it?

Thank you sm for waiting patiently, I love you guys a lot 🥺💗

-❤-