Heart Attack (a HeartStopper story)

Charlie. One last time

"Look Charlie... I know I haven't been the most consistent, but I'm ready to change that, and I think my first limit is him. I don't think you should see him."

"What?"

"I think it's dangerous for you."

"Nick's not going to hurt me."

"You thought so before."

"Matias stop it...I know I got really bad when he left, I relapsed and went back to that dark and terrible space... but that wasn't Nicks fault. I told him to leave. I cut him off. I don't know if it's fair to blame him for listening to me."

Charlie was sick of Nick being painted as a monster for leaving.

"The fact is, he left, and he'll do it again when his stay is over. I thought this is what you wanted...attention. As boyfriends..."

"Is that what you think boyfriends do? I'm not a dog for you to put me on a leash or a child for you to forbid me to go out and play."

"I think I have the right to set boundaries."

"You have the right to set limits that pertain to you. It's my responsibility to tell you when I can't give you something you need, and vice versa. I...I'm not going to stop seeing Nick. He's an important person to me."

"So what's the point of 'being boyfriends'? What did you want when you asked me to be serious about this?"

"Just the opposite of what you're doing, making it all about you. I didn't ask you to claim me as a toy, I asked you not to ignore me. I didn't ask you to stop me from seeing a person so special to me, I asked you to be honest with me about how you felt."

"Well that's what I feel."

"I... look I understand. I understand the jealousy. I understand what you're saying. But that's something I can't give you. Until this afternoon it was something you couldn't give me either."

"I didn't bring an ex-boyfriend to our concert to screw you."

"I didn't bring Nick to fuck with you. I invited him because he's a loved one that I haven't seen in five years."

"He came to complicate everything."

"Maybe, but that it's not his fault, this is his home... I don't know Mat, maybe I'm the one complicating everything by asking you for more."

"You can't ask me for a relationship and then broke with me the same day."

"I am not..." Yes you are Charlie, even if you don't want to face it yet. "I'm just confused that out of nowhere you're this possessive when you wouldn't even listen to me."

"I'm sorry...it's for a reason I don't have relationships like that...they confuse me and I do silly, weird things" Mat moved a little closer to him, holding his face. "You make me do silly, weird things."

"You have the right to feel jealous, but I want you to feel safe in that I'll be honest with you. I can't stop seeing Nick. Like I told you before, don't ever stop loving him. He is special to me. I don't know, I thought you would understand what it's like to love more than one person at the same time."

"Wanting to have relationships with more people is not the same as being in love."

"I'm more complex than you expected then."

"You feel a lot of things." Charlie laughed, and the Moo de of the conversation got softer, to which Matias only responded by smiling and moving closer to him. He sat down next to him.

"It's true."

"Is it normal that I don't like that you like Nick so much?"

"I guess so...you have every right to not be comfortable with that. But it's not something I can deny you anymore."

"I always knew... You never forgot."

"That doesn't minimize what's between us."

Mat looked sad, but decided...he kissed him without waiting another second. A couple of days ago Matías' sporadic kisses meant so much more to Charlie... but something felt off. Something felt out of place. He was... desperate. Like he was faking it.

He followed the kiss for a moment, but when Matias wouldn't stop he tried to pull away a little.

"We're halfway across the room."

"But there's no one..." More kisses.

"Still, we should..." More kisses, Matias only interrupted him. In one move he got on top of him, and the weight of his body wouldn't let him move.

No. Not again please. Not with him.

"Matias wait..." Charlie shout a little, and at least that was what it took to get him to back away.

"Wasn't this what you wanted?" Matias looked immensely hurt, to which Charlie could only respond with guilt and anger.

He looked desperate. Aggressive.

"Not here... like this..." Charlie couldn't explain what he was feeling. He wanted Matias, but with Nick yards away this felt almost like cheating.

It was a deception to himself really.

"Don't be naive Charlie, this isn't about us! It's about him! Nick is the one who changed things." Determined he got up and almost left the room, but he couldn't leave without yelling some more. "I understand that I've been inconsistent and evasive, and yes, I'm not monogamous, and yes, seeing you with Nick aroused jealousy in me... But you can't ask me to change things and immediately reject me for trying!"

Charlie was silent, he knew he was right.

"I'll be a jerk sometimes but I'm not about to change my dynamics and go out of my way for this when you clearly want someone else. I'm leaving...think about why having him around makes you so immensely selfish."

She left him alone. She even turned off the lights in the living room and closed the door on him... and Charlie stood in the middle, hugging his legs and feeling terrible.

He had ruined everything again.

After a few seconds he left the room, needing company and knowing who was the only person who could make him feel better. He walked down the hall and heard the laughter of his friends still in the garden, drinking and listening to music. When he came out he immediately caught Nick's gaze, who smiled at him and called him to join them. Charlie just blushed, denied him, motioning for them to leave. Nick looked nervous and excited, he understood perfectly what he meant. He grabbed two more beers and followed him.

"Shall we... run away... one last time?" Charlie whispered as Nick arrived in front of him.

"Please." Nick held his hand affectionately as he passed him the beer.

"Follow me."