Who I Really Am JJKxBTS

Chapter 23: New Style

Kyungmi was in her room. After her breakdown, she tried to process both the information she was told and the one she had read.

She had also tried calming herself down, but it seemed hard so she took a bath and made herself a tea after. She didn't want Jungkook to see her in such a state when he came home.

It helped, but not as much as she wanted it to. She still felt very anxious, tense, and confused.

She still couldn't believe that Jungkook was one of her children. It felt surreal, but it also felt very relieving and comforting.

She had been looking for them for so long and to know she found them made her heart content and happy. However the guilt was heavier in her than ever before.

After going back and remembering Jungkook's background she started to hate herself even more.

Her boy had gone through so much in his life and she felt that most of it was her fault.

She felt it was her fault that Junwoo acted unfairly with Jungkook. She felt it was her fault for all the sadness and hurt he has experienced. She felt that if she never left—if she never allowed people to get into her head then all of their lives would have turned differently.

Junwoo was right, she became a bad mother by leaving. She would have continued to be a good mother if she would have stayed. She wished she could turn back time and never leave but sadly she knew that wasn't possible.

She had to live with the guilt and regret forever, wishing that she had been stronger.

But, she was determined to change the present and future. She was determined to make Jungkook's life better and protect him more than ever before.

She couldn't be the mom they needed back then, but she knew that she could be the mom they need right now and in the future.

She only hoped that both would allow her to be what they need in that said future.

It scared her that they may not.

She felt scared of losing it all when she told Jungkook the truth and when she showed up to Eunjae after so long.

She was afraid, but she knew she deserved any hatred or bitterness that any of the two felt.

She only hoped that at some point they would let her in and if not, she promised herself to at least watch them from afar.

She didn't want to tell anybody yet.

She didn't feel ready, but she knew she would have to tell her sister at least. She just needed a few more hours or days to herself to feel like she could tell her. There was still so much to process.

"Professor, I am home!!" She hears Jungkook yell and her body stiffens. Hearing his voice now that she knew who he was made her feel like everything was a dream.

Once more she couldn't believe it and felt tears pricking at her eyes, but she knew she needed to keep it together. Jungkook could not suspect that anything was wrong.

"I'm coming!" She yelled back and took a deep breath before going out and facing Jungkook. No longer would she now see him as what she hoped to be her son because he was her actual son.

She shakingly opens the door and heads to the living room where she sees the boy putting some bags. She tries her best to not break down there and then.

She stared at him. This was her son, this was one of her children.

"You grew up so well," she says in her head trying to take some silent breaths to calm herself down and not cry.