Fifty Shades of EraserMic (Shades of EraserMic #1)

Use Me Up

Shouta wished he hadn't let things get so far with the choking. For two weeks, two very long weeks, Hizashi rarely spoke to him. He wouldn't walk up behind him, hug hum or kiss the back of his neck and shoulders when he was cooking dinner for them. Nor did he yank him onto his lap to nuzzle his chest, squeeze his ass, hold his hand or corner him in the teacher's lounge to smother him with whatever little kisses he could get away with before someone walked in.

Though in bed had to be the most painful. He slept with his back to him, curled up on his side, and tucked away from Shouta. He was upset, angry and he understood every bit of the blonde's emotions. He gave him the space he needed but he missed the blonde. He missed being run up too with those bright eyes, an equally bright and chipper smile on his lips, with another stupid idea for them to try whether it was sexual or casual.

He knew sex wasn't an answer, wasn't the solution, and he tried everything long before he allowed it to become his final option. He tried talking, he tried bargaining, he tried cleaning the house long before the blonde would wake, taking the trash out the day before it needed to be, and making sure to feed the cats on time so he wouldn't have too. He trained Hitoshi, he took care of Eri every single hour of the day, and he made each meal for the four of them not allowing the blonde to do so.

He had done everything he possibly could to make it up to Hizashi and even going so far as to say he never ever had to touch him like that again. However, the problem was that Hizashi believed Shouta had no self-control. That the kinks lately were getting to him, were making him fuzzy and uncertain, something even Shouta couldn't argue against. So, they took a two-week break. From the sex, from each other, and it hurt worse than anything.

Honestly, he had thought he would have loved the bruises on his skin from the blonde's tight hold, faint as they were, and he thought he'd even be angry at the hickey's the man left that were ruthlessly questioned by his class, but he didn't. He felt disgusted, so overwhelmingly guilty when he had seen them that he couldn't bring even a single inch of himself to like the sight. He was honestly relieved when the bruises faded away, but it didn't solve anything.

The blonde still looked at him with guilt of his own, worry and concern before he would look away. That's where it led to now, with Shouta sitting on the edge of their bed staring down at the list and a hand rubbing at his mouth and cheeks idly while staring down at the paper. He knew nothing big, nothing crazy, but if this was actually his last chance to possibly help the blonde let go and begin to overcome his guilt and worry, he'd do it.

The anger he had brewing in him no doubt, then he'd do it. If he could help make things up with his husband, he'd do it in a heartbeat. He needed him and he couldn't take much more of this silent, cold treatment they were giving to each other. He couldn't. Hizashi was an amazing grudge holder, his longest record spanned years, and he didn't want this to be like that. He himself could hold a grudge just as well as his husband but again this wasn't the type of thing he wanted to be held against each other.

Though he deserved it; every bit of it. He deserved every single last angry, perhaps even hateful thought from his husband, and he deserved to be screamed at, to be forced to listen to what his husband had to say. He deserved it. Then his eyes flickered to a word, a single word, on the page underneath a more controversial kink that had him flinching, but this little word was what had him blinking as he read it over.

Degradation? He knew enough about that to know it was something people got off on, that some people liked it, and he never thought he'd be the type as he was normally the type to accept and give out praise happily. Even Hizashi gave his praises but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it was quite fun to get as vulgar as they dared with one another, but did it ever border on degradation?