A TOUCH OF DARKNESS

31•

That's why nothing was enough last time.

"I have to work. Here are some medications, take them and don't drink again.
Viviana."

That was all she left behind for me to remember the night we spent together after a long time. She left no kisses no care no attention. Nothing.

"Your tea." She handed me the mug and sat beside me with that towel still wrapped around her. Maybe because her apartment was connected to the whole place. If she changes I can see her. If she breathes I can feel her.

And mostly I wanted to feel myself inside her.

"How was work?" She asked first when my lips touched the mug and swallowing the tea she made was a big mission while watching her legs cross. I wanted to swallow her instead.
"Oh...right, sorry." My straight face might have told her I was bothered by her questioning me.

But truly I wasn't, I loved her questioning the shit out of me and forcing answers out of me.
I was just craving her and I can't stop that.
Hiding my boner was like a crime to my soul.

"It was okay." I sighed. "It was just tiring..."
It was more tiring thinking about her, craving her, wanting her. Needing her. All of that.
It was way more tiring.

"That sucks..." she huffed. "I can't imagine what it's like to be a CEO. Must be so hard." I nodded and she nodded back.

It was quiet and everything between us was awkward. I hated that bullshit. Why is she awkward around me? Why can't she just laugh more and feel more like herself with me? Was I the problem or was it just that night again?

I placed down the mug and leaned back against the couch. Nerves were filling me. I can't stand this awkwardness between me and the person I love. And I'd do anything to break this. Whether it's arguing or screaming about sex or anything. I hated silence.

"Why did you leave that day?" I asked as I tried searching up for her attention. Fuck I hungered her attention. And it fucking stabbed me in the chest once she looks away from my eyes.

"Didn't you see the note?" I hummed. "As I said I had work and I couldn't stay." Her not looking in my eyes was already a sneak to a lie. What was so hard looking into my eyes? Was I that scary?

"You couldn't? Or you didn't want to?" Her breath has became ragging and I knew the answer myself. It was all a lie.

Her telling me she's mine is a lie, her touching me was a lie, her kissing me was a lie.

Every fucking moment we spend was a lie.

"It's the same thing, Alex. If I didn't have work-"

"It's not the same thing, Viviana." I bit back. "It's not the fucking same telling me you're busy when you're literally just running away from me." She let out a sigh and it pissed the fuck out of me.

I can't sit down. I can't breathe. I can't control myself. I can't do anything about us. She's not noticing how much I'm trying for both of us.

"You said you missed me, right? You didn't come here to argue with me, did you? If that's what you want then just...leave." I hate her so much. I hate her so fucking much. So much that I want to slap her, spank her, fuck her so fucking hard till she understands what I'm going through. Till she knows her answer. Till she fucking knows that I'm the only man who will love her like that. No one is going to fuck her like I do, no one will love her like I do. She's better with me.