A TOUCH OF DARKNESS

8

"Where the fuck were you Viviana?" He approached me with bitterness. The music in the background has made my heart race louder, the amount of men in the club has frightened me.

I am scared of Joe and at the look on his face, brought my legs into a melting weak sword that can no longer be used against a thing. I didn't like to make him enraged and I've always tried to stay out of trouble. Especially when it comes to Joe.

Joe was pathetic and out of his mind as well. I never betrayed his words or got out of the line. I said yes to everything as long as that meant Joe was quiet with no threats and insults that went out of his control. I stayed quiet about every single thing.

"I was getting ready home..." he frowned. Horrible excuse I know, but I also knew I had a strong power over him. It's been 6 years, Joe can't just kill me with a little mistake.

"So you've been getting ready the entire day? Don't fucking mess with me, Viviana." I had nothing to respond with. He was right in the end. I was out, giving myself to a man that he did not permit to. It's one of our rules and I've broken it without him knowing.

1. A stripper in the club, a prostitute to the people I choose for you.
2. Make me happy will make 'you' happy.
3. You can't have sex with a man when I have no clue who it is or don't agree with.
4. You can't quit.

And it was enunciated that I had already broken rule 3.

"I'm sorry...let's just cut this okay?" I tried calming him down by holding his hand. "I'll go on the stage, do the show like nothing happened." I know I was wrong, it's so unfair.

{}

"Joe please!" I yelled from the top of my lungs.
"I can't do this anymore!" I cried holding onto his hands. "Please stop this! I promise to love you again! Just stop using me like some toy..."

"Do you rather stay on the streets? With no money? No food? No water? If you don't help me out I can't help you either, Viviana..." my mom hated me. My mom is never going to wait up for me anymore. I turned twenty, and I've been gone for three years. Not a call has been heard from me.

Nobody is ever going to like me going back to where I belonged. I had no one anymore.

I only had Joe.
I can't live by myself.

I was wasted. I was fucked, I was a mess to everyone. I couldn't look up at people the same after what I've gone through. I was there just as a toy and I can't imagine people looking at me any different than that. I was destroyed.

I can't go anywhere.
Joe is my only and last choice.

I would have been useless if Joe didn't use me like this. I don't know what and how to do this and that.

I'm ruined. There is a part of me that I can't fix or go back in time to hold onto. No happy memory was left in my hands and even if there was, Joe had turned it black and filled it up with darkness and awful words.

There was nothing to look for. No past neither a future. With Joe, I was told to be quiet and do what they wanted. With Joe I was told if I don't do this, this will happen to me, that will happen to me. I was living my life afraid and defenseless with Joe. I was terrified from looking behind, I was traumatized from imagining to live better.

I ran further and further. And I stayed still in the same location from 3 years ago.
No matter how much I tried. I stood still.

In his hands. In his control. In everything.