The Rescue

Chapter 41

"Le-"

"Kara," Lena quickly interrupts. "It's okay. I know. It's okay. Let's- let's take a seat and take a moment."

Kara wordlessly follows Lena's instructions. Her mind is warring with itself. This is Lena for Rao's sake. She's nothing like Mike. Why did she react like that? Besides, he's locked up. No one, not even him, can hurt her like that again.

"Kara?" Lena's worried eyes notice the lack of presence.

"I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry, Kara."

Kara bites her lip. She doesn't want to talk about it right now. "You said you were frustrated with yourself?"

Lena intently studies the woman before opting to follow Kara's lead. She wants nothing more than to clasp Kara's hands, but she doesn't want to cause another reaction, so she rubs her own hands together in anxiety. "Yes, darling. We were moving forward. I was doing well. Then, out of no where, I had another panic attack. I've been in such control over my emotions for so long now, that I'm- I'm worried that this is going to be what my life is... getting triggered all the time at the smallest things, having panic attacks left and right. I was frustrated... and scared. And one of my many ways to handle that level of frustration is to bury myself in work. I- I did not mean... it was not my intent to imply that I was ever frustrated with you. You've- you've been amazing, Kara. And sweet and kind and so, so patient with me. And I've- I've broken down every time you've needed me..."

Kara's jaw is slack. She's dumbfounded. How could Lena think that about herself? "Lee, no you haven't..."

"At the courthouse, on the beach, when you told me about the meaning behind your jacket... every time..."

Kara shakes her head. "No, Lena. You were there with me during Mike. You got me out and safe. You stayed with me. I- You took off time from work to take care of me. Spent money on attorneys for me."

A wet laugh escapes Lena's lips. "That is nothing compared to what you've done for me. Kara, I wanted to be there for you. I do not regret any of it. You are not the reason I was upset this morning."

"Then, what did you think all of this was about?"

Guilt weighs heavy in Lena's chest. "I didn't- I didn't even know anything was wrong until Sam called me. I didn't even realize you left the penthouse. I- When I got the story from Sam, I thought... I thought you were just as frustrated with me and my reactions... Lord knows that I was feeling frustrated so I thought that maybe... maybe you were too."

Kara's face falls in disbelief and guilt. "Oh, Lee, no. Never..." Kara's hands scramble across the distance to grab Lena's. Her thumbs stroke soothingly along the back of those hands. "I could never think that or feel that towards your healing process. I can never hold that against you. You've been through so much, and that control you had... I think you were just ignoring everything until it got to be too much. You've been working so hard with Kelly, and I see it. It will get better, Lee. It just takes time."

"There is such a thing as too much time, Kara. I wouldn't blame you..."

"No, Lena. You get as much time as you need. You've already said it; I am a patient woman. And I want to be there for you while you heal. It's only fair if you want to be here for me."

Lena smirks a bit at the woman using her own words against her. "You may feel that way now... but Kara, if that ever-" Kara opens her mouth but Lena rushes on, "no, if it ever changes, you leave me. Maybe... tell me first, please, but you leave. You take care of yourself first."