Unfixable

Waiting for Mail

"What's the matter? Bad news?" Elijah asked as he joined Gavin for lunch. It had been a regular thing over the past few weeks, and he was pleased to say that their relationship had never been better. Gavin was currently holding a fancy piece of paper that looked rather official. His jaw was working slowly as he almost glared at the swirling text. He glanced up with an unsatisfied grunt before pushing it across. "Oh..." His discharge papers had arrived. He'd expected it, of course, but the sting was still there.

"Yeah, oh..." Elijah sighed sympathetically as he sat down. "I'm getting the wound chevron." That was something. It was an honourable thing. It acknowledged his service, and let others know that he was a hero who'd been honourably discharged. He couldn't help noticing that Gavin seemed less than pleased. There was something bitter in his lingering gaze. He looked like he'd just chewed a lemon.

"And so you should! You were injured in battle." Elijah fully supported the decision. He looked over the letter. It sent the standard official sympathy of the force, thanking him for his years of dedicated service. They wished him luck and a speedy recovery, and upon his return, he would be awarded the wound chevron in recognition of his bravery and the loss he'd suffered. Despite the kind wording of the letter and Elijah's agreement, Gavin scoffed.

"Injured in battle! I got caught in a shell blast halfway across the line! It wasn't a battle! I didn't fight anyone! I was phcking fodder!" Elijah winced sympathetically as he lowered the paper. If he didn't know better, he'd say this was the first time Gavin had opened up about the experience. He was breathing hard after his bitter outburst.

"That isn't fair at all...It was a battle. It's just that warfare looks a lot different these days." That much was certainly true. A few years back, they didn't have even half the shit they had now. Chlorine gas bombs, shells, Gatling guns, landmines, tanks. Elijah shuddered at the injuries he'd seen and treated since they'd joined the war. Grim, gruesome injuries he'd never even dreamed of. Cruel as it was, he was relieved Gavin had taken a shell the way he had and not some of the other options. At least this way he could regain his mobility and independence.

"I barely made it halfway and ended up face down in the dirt!"

"And you wouldn't have been there at all if you hadn't been fighting for your country! You served for years! You deserve to have that recognised!" Gavin was still unconvinced. He certainly didn't feel like a fucking hero. Sure, he'd fought well over the years. He'd done his fair share of killing, and he'd saved others more than once, but this wasn't how he'd wanted to go out. No one was saved by him. No enemies had fallen by his hand. He hadn't even raised his rifle. A shell had blown up and almost drowned him in the sludge. He'd almost gotten Nines killed by being a burden he had to save.

"I almost drowned in trench mud! Some phcking hero!" He shuddered as he remembered it. The pressing weight of his pack on his back forcing him down. Too dazed and weak to turn over. The overwhelming fatigue. Giving up. Thick, rotting, cloying sludge on his face. The burn in his lungs as he failed to breathe in through the blockage. It was probably lucky that he hadn't been strong enough to take in that sludge. That would have clogged his lungs and killed him for sure.

"You're my hero..." Elijah murmured, giving him a small smile as he scoffed in disbelief. He was pretty sure he was lying, but the sentiment was nice. "I couldn't be more proud...I mean it." If he thought it would cheer him up, he would have mentioned that their father was just as proud, but Gavin hadn't spoken to him in years. Not since he'd found out about his mother. Gavin fell silent, quietly accepting the praise. He shoved the letter back in the envelope. He'd toss it in a drawer somewhere later and forget about it.

"How was your morning?" Gavin grumbled, effectively changing the subject. Elijah allowed it. There was no way he could argue him out of his opinion. It seemed better to try diverting his attention to something else. He paused to thank the maid as she brought their usual tea, sandwich, and cake selection before responding.