Surrender -Tom kaulitz-

36.

"What are you actually doing here, Tom ?" She breathed out after a long pause.

I pursed my lips. "I... I don't know... I was just..."

"We can't keep hanging out, you know that ?"

I brushed a hand through my hair. "Mars..."

"Tom, we already had this conversation."

"I know but we're done with our problems from the past ! We can just keep hanging out like old friends with the band and shit. You can come with us on tour, you can meet my dogs, you can-"

"I have a life here. I'm no longer a teenager with no job and just time to waste in parties. I can't afford to not work, I have an apartment to pay, lawyers to hire, enough money to keep up with my friends' lifestyle-"

"Hey, hey, hey..." I placed a calming hand on her shoulders and she breathed out heavily. She was still drunk and that was probably why she was oversharing stuff about her life. "I'm sorry."

"For what ?"

"For everything. I just... care about you, Mars. We all do. And we want you to be able to talk to us and hang out with us like before. Despite every shitty thing that we made you go through."

"I forgive you. I promise." She looked down, fidgeting with her hands. "But I can't forget. What if you ghost me again ? I'm so fucking mentally ill, Tom. It's easy for me to just... break."

"It won't happen."

"You don't know." She grabbed the vodka bottle standing on the table and drank from it.

"I do."

"No, you don't. Cause I know you would have said this five years ago. But it happened and it's okay. I can't just forget about it and fall back in love with you so you just throw me out of your life like you did all those years ago."

I felt my heart drop as she said the words I had been dreading for so long.

'...fall back in love with you...'

She was in love with me. She did have feelings for me. For months, I was certain she didn't love me back and she was only saying shit to friend-zone me.

"You... you loved me ?"

She laid back on the couch, hugging her body. "Yeah, I did. I didn't want to say it cause I didn't want to admit it to myself."

"You loved me and I loved you. What went wrong ?"

Her lips curled into a small sad smile. "I did." My face softened when I noticed her glossy eyes.

"It's in the past now. Can we forget about it ? Please...?"

She bit her lip in hesitation. "Tom..."

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT !" The pink haired girl, I forgot her name, barged into the room with a wide grin. "I knew you needed to have a conversation but I didn't think it would take THAT long." When she walked closer to us, she furrowed her eyebrows, eyeing Mars up and down. "Wow, you're in underwear and in his sweater. That escalated quickly..."

"No, we didn't fuck, Leah." Mars rolled her eyes.

"Oh okay..." Leah shrugged her shoulders and sat down on a sofa chair next to us. "Let's do shots !" She grinned, turning on music on a CD player.

Mars sat up, legs crossed on the couch, and poured strawberry vodka into shot glasses. She handed us each one and we toasted.

With rock music in the background and us just drinking and chilling, the party, if we can call it that, was going well.