Surrender -Tom kaulitz-

31.

The vibrant club stirred with optimism. All patrons were ready to drink up and have a fabulous evening.

I remembered the last time I came in here, with Alexis and the Tokio Hotel members. As I stepped into the vintage bar, I felt like I was transported back in time. It was an incredible feeling.

"Mars !" Leah beamed, running up to me for a hug.

"Hi." I sent her a small smile before sitting down with the group and lighting up a cigarette.

We hung out for a few moments, drinking and laughing. Though, I wasn't really laughing with them but it was okay.

I was starting to feel tipsy so I just kept on drinking. All I wanted was to get blackout drunk.

But, while we were doing shots, a voice boomed from the stage of the bar and everyone started cheering.

"Hey guys !"

I looked up, curious to see who everyone was yelling excitingly for, and there he was.

A familiar long haired blond man with sparkly clothes and a large smile was holding the mic and speaking to the crowd.

"We're so happy to be here ! This used to be our favourite bar back in the day and we're so glad it's still as cosy and beautiful as we left it." Bill exclaimed. "Spending our night out here means a lot to us and we're happy to have fun with you guys tonight !!"

Everyone applauded and the Tokio Hotel member left the stage. My eyes followed Bill as he walked towards his table and my heart dropped when I saw the rest of the band.

Should I go talk to them ? I haven't seen them in more than five years now. They look so... different.

Do they even remember me? I think so.

I took a deep breath and made my way through the crowd towards their table. When I finally made it to the group, I tapped Bill's shoulder.

The man turned around and he looked at me for a moment before his jaw dropped. "No way..."

"MARS ?!" Gustav gasped, pulling me into a hug. I smiled softly, returning the embrace.

Then I turned to Georg while Bill was still frozen in shock. For some reason, Tom wasn't there. I didn't see him either when I was further away from the table.

When I finally turned to Bill, his eyes were watery. "Mars..."

"Hi, Billy." I smiled. He took me in his arms, drowning his face in my neck.

"I missed you so much, bitch." He mumbled.

"Me too." When the hug ended, I looked at him, examining his appearance.

He had new face piercings and long straight blond hair. He was wearing a purple sparkly top with leather pants that fitted him greatly. Georg had cut off all his hair and Gustav wore glasses and had gotten more muscular.

They begged me to sit down with them and I finally agreed. We all sat in the table with wide grins plastered on our faces.

"How are you ?? Tell us." Gustav questioned. "Do you still live here ?"

"Are you dating anyone ?" Georg added.

"What about work ?!" The lead singer intervened. "Tell us everything!"

I laughed at their enthusiasm and we chatted for a bit. I tried answering all their questions, leaving the details that seemed a little too personal for me to share right away.

"Tom will be down here in a minute, he was just picking up Chrissy." Bill stated and I nodded slowly.

"His girlfriend ?" I asked curiously. As hard as it was for me to admit, I wished she wasn't. It would ache my heart to know that he had someone and I still didn't. Even if I wanted the best for him.

"We don't really know, she's always hanging out with us but, when we ask him about her, he's still figuring it out." Gustav explained.

And, as if he knew we were talking about him, the guitarist appeared from the crowd with a blonde under his arm.

As soon as our gazes met, he marked a pause, confused, before blood drained from his face.

"Hi." I waved at him and he walked towards me slowly.

"Mars ?" He furrowed his eyebrows before pulling me into a tight hug. I returned the embrace, unconsciously inhaling the familiar scent of the man I had once loved.

"How are you ?" I grinned, eyeing him up and down. He also changed dramatically. His hair was no longer in dreads but gathered in a low bun and he had a beard which surprisingly suited him perfectly. He still had the same lip piercing and, now, he had plugs instead of earings.

"You changed..." He said after he analysed my features for a bit.

"You too."

"You're... skinnier." He added, a hint of worry in his eyes.

Shit...

I looked down, my arms wrapping slowly around my body as a defensive mechanism. "Yeah. And your hair is different."

Fortunately, Bill cut off our awkward interaction. "Let's party, guys !" He grabbed wine glasses, giving each one of us a drink with a large beam.

"Actually, I'll be leaving soon. And I'm already a bit tipsy. Maybe next time." I sent them a shy smile and they all frowned.

"Noooo. We haven't seen each other in years, you can't just leave now !" Gustav groaned.

"I'm sorry but I'm driving home. I can't really stay that long."

I knew I wanted to get drunk, but my social battery has been weak for a while now and I felt like I should leave and probably just drink my sorrow away in the comfort of my own home.

As I was bidding my old friends goodbye, Tom grabbed my arm gently. "I'll walk you out."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay-"

"I will." He nodded surely and I gave in. We left the bar, trotting in the dark parking lot engulfed in a suffocating silence.

As we got closer to my car, I stopped and turned to him.

"This is it." I looked up to him with a small smile.

"I'm happy I saw you." He looked down, his hand in his pockets.

I tilted my head to the side. "Are you though ?" He looked up with a confused expression.
"Well, you guys stopped talking to me, asking how I was. It's pretty hard to believe you missed me that much."

He bit his lip in regret. "It's complicated, Mars. You meant a lot to me and I... I acted like the child I was back then."

"It's okay." I pursed my lips. "You know... I kept watching you guys... for a bit. I watched your interviews, I made fun of your braids phase, I kept on analysing Gustav's performances like I always did. I kept on watching you even if we weren't as close anymore."

"Why did you stop ?"

I marked a pause. "Life." I shrugged my shoulders. "I was too wrapped up in my own shit, I kind of gave up on holding onto the past. I'm not trying to blame you, we were children who had issues and we were trying to survive them. We just... ended up hurting others in the process."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Mars. I really am. For everything."

I laughed softly. "I swear, I'm fine now." I lied. "You guys too seem like you have your shit together and I'm happy about it."

Without warning, the tall guitarist pulled me into a hug. I tightened the embrace, aware of the fact that this hug meant more for us than we were willing to admit.

Finally, we exchanged numbers, promising each others that we will hang out soon and we separated ways.

The drive back home was eventless but thoughts were running in my mind.

Memories, nostalgia, unresolved business...