Surrender -Tom kaulitz-

30.

Five years later...

***

They say once you have mastered being alone, you are ready for the company of others, that doesn't make it easy though. When everyone's life journey separated from my own, when the only heart beating in this house belonged to me, it wasn't something most could take. For there are days when the brain becomes a cold fire, perhaps that is what others call panic, but when you are alone, who are you going to call? I guess the good news is that in time, after many unpleasant days, you are okay. Then you find joy again, or maybe it finds you. After that, your journey can change, take on new and exciting adventures... Or remain the same blank dark reality you live in and that's what's really hard to get away from.

~

"Okay, guys !" I clapped my hands to get their attention. "Tomorrow at nine, is it okay for everyone ?"

The teens acquiesced and I grinned, bidding them goodbyes. I sat on my desk with a sigh as I felt a presence before me.

"Miss Allen..."

I looked up to be met with the little fourteen year old Tanya. "Hi, pretty girl, what's up ?" I smiled at her.

"I really want to participate in the drumming competition next summer. Is it okay if I start having private lessons with you ?" She asked shyly.

I pursed my lips, looking around for my agenda. "You know, it's pretty complicated for me to give supplementary hours for my students but..." My eyes darted around the calendar. "What if we do... wednesdays ?"

She beamed from ear to ear. "Yes, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Miss Allen ! I'll see you tomorrow !" She left the room excitingly and I watched her walk away with a small smile.

As soon as the door closed, I sat back in exhaustion. I've been working since eight in the morning and it was now almost nighttime. After resting for a bit, I gathered my things and left the studio to my car.

I drove to the location Jasper sent me. Apparently, it was a nice chinese restaurant who made incredible food. And I knew the fact that I was always home and never going out bothered him. That was mostly why he wanted us to get together for dinner.

"This is exactly what you need." He babbled while I just kept fumbling with my spring rolls. "You're never out, always ordering food to your apartment. If you're not home, you're at the studio. If you're not at the studio, you're with Kevin at that damned music shop. It's becoming tiring to try and take care of you, Mars. This has to stop."

"Fuck off, Jasper. I'm not in the best state right now to go party or whatever. Can't you fucking drop it ?" I hissed. "You're not obligated to take care of me. I'm alright on my own and how I'm handling the situation I'm going through right now is probably the best option. It's this or I fucking shoot myself in the throat."

"Your brother has always been a piece of shit and we both know it better than anyone." He sighed. "He's in jail now, I don't know why you care so much. This depression thingy doesn't suit you, baby."

I rolled my eyes at his words.

Why wouldn't he just give me a break from all his speeches ?

My brother was incarcerated about a month ago. He got caught for drug trafficking and I was the only family he had left so, obviously, his dumb shit had to involve me with him.

"Jasper, please drop it. I know my brother is an asshole but he's still family." I looked. "As much as I had tried to get out of this shit, family stays with you until the end and I have to have his back." I mumbled the last part, stuffing a spring roll in my mouth to drown my sorrow with good food.