the bad couple

chapter 31

"leia, you came, do you forgive me? I'm so happy to see you" he rambles when he opens the door, he's wearing a pair of sweatpants, low, and no top so I can see his toned chest and perfect abs, but I refuse to look there, i stare him cold in the eyes.
"i do not forgive you, i came because I haven't told you how I really feel, how much it hurt that another person has let me down that I was meant to trust, you might see this as desperate, but trust me this is the complete opposite! " I spit angrily.
"can't we atleast talk?" he begs.
"no, I'm gonna talk, if you had something to say you would have fought for me at the hospital, you know what I've been through, but you can't even begin to imagine how I feel after it, being hit and starved and locked away from the world because I was an embarrassment to my parents my whole life made me feel worthless, i believed everything they said to me, for years it stuck with me, you know I was also abused in foster care too? Yeah, i just couldn't catch a break because I honestly thought that I really was that useless, that I deserved it, i had nothing left but I kept fighting, telling myself it can't always be bad and it has to eventually get bearable and even good, when I met mark, my life changed, i felt love, safety, security, i felt alive, but it was all fake and when I found out that he cheated I lost hope, but ofcourse you came along and saved me from giving up, the feelings i had for you weren't the same as they were for mark, they were raw, fresh, real, you made me feel everything I did with mark but you exaggerated it and made me feel happy, i was never happy before and when you ditched me, it hit me, the reason everyone walks all over me, because I'm an easy target, after everything I still let people in and they always end up hurting me, I'm done letting people hurt me, i trusted you with my heart with my soul, with me and you ruined it, i just wanted to warn you that everything is gonna change now, if you thought I was bad before your in for a serious shock now" i say never breaking the eye contact between us, it hurt like hell to tell him all of this, all at once, how I feel, but I have to do it, hes staring back at me, his eyes are wide and his lips are slightly parted, them lips, so warm and soft, so comforting, stop thinking about that, he ruined your life and you hate him more than ever now.
"Leia, I'm so sorry I make you feel like that, you need to understand i honestly thought you did tell her, i know it wasn't you now, please just give me another chance, we don't have to hate eachother" he begs, pathetically, I'm not being drawn back to him.
"your only saying that because you don't want to go to the discipline school, but I don't care anymore, you deserve that, you still have no idea how much pain I'm in right now, you never will because you don't really care about me, not like you lead me to believe"
"I do, i love yo-" i cut him off.
"don't even say it, i did not come here to look for forgiveness or an explanation, i came here to tell you, im not being pushed around anymore and if you think this is going to be forgotten, you ate very wrong" i say, i turn around and limp down his driveway.
"leia. Please don't be like this, let me help you" he says coming to my side.
"no, I don't need you or anyone else, just leave, i don't love you anymore, i cant!" I shout at him, hurt flashes over his face and i feel guilty for lying about my feelings to him, but I cant let him keep hurting me.
"so well be sent to a discipline school?" he asks.
"it was always gonna happen, i just wish it could have happened with less pain and heartache" i say and attempt to walk away, he grabs my arm and pulls me back.
"leia, i know your hurting but I cant let you walk away"
"you already walked away"
"I promised to always protect you, be there for you, to always love you and i meant it, let me prove it"
"you already proved enough callum, a promise won't take away the pain that will follow if i let you back in, no one is getting back in, just let me go" i beg.
"i cant leia"
"then let me walk away" i say sadly looking deep into his eyes, i pull my arm back and he just looks at me hurt, i look away and start to walk down his driveway, and ofcourse like the cheesy, unrealistic movies, but thats the difference, he won't say some touching thing now and i won't run up to him and kiss him senseless, instead I'll get wet, get a cab and go home to cry myself to sleep.
"leia, we've been through so much together, i know I messed up but you can't let it ruin us, we love eachother, we always will and that will never change, please just one half hour date, that's all" he begs desperately.
"i cant callum, please just stop" i say firmly, he runs up to me and grabs my waist pulling me close to him, he puts one hand behind my head and bring his lips to mine, they instantly warm me in the freezing rain and i lose myself in the moment, my lips begin to move with his and his tongue enters my mouth, they battle for a while and then I realise whats happening, i pulp back and stare into his eyes.
"leia, i know you kissed me back, don't deny that, you want this as much as I do" he says, and I know he's right.
"your right, but I cant, i need to be selfish for once and think about what's best for me" I say waiting for the cab to arrive.
"leia please, i cant go back to where we were after everything we've been through" he says with tears in his eyes.
"i have to, after everything we've been through i cant let you back in after hurting me so much"
"I can't just go back to hating you, i cant hate you"
"then let me make it easy" i say, i pick up a stone and aim for his window.
"what are yo-" i cut him off when I smash his bedroom window.
"leia, that wasn't necessary" he says sadly.
"i don't regret it, because that's what you did to my heart" i say coldly climbing into the cab, he gives me a pained look and i look away from the window.
"boy troubles?" the cab driver asks.
"a little like that" I say quietly, wiping the tears away, i need to hate him, to go back to ruining hid tests, arguing with him, cussing out teachers, i need to let it all out, i am a bad girl and that's all I'll ever be, i cant hide it anymore, but this is a whole new kind of bad girl, one that will be unbearable, just how my life is.