Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 39: The Secret in Their Eyes

Alyssa stared at a very fidgety Matvei as Mikhail held her from behind. Alyssa wanted to lose herself in the sweet kisses Mikhail smothered her with, but her attention was fixated on the sweaty man in her presence.

Matvei had yet to make eye contact with her and she knew why. She knew that his guilt and anxiety were probably throwing a rager in his mind at the present moment.

He didn't know she knew about Emma or their shared kiss, but she did. Alyssa watched as five whole seconds passed between them with their lips locked. She knew why he was behaving the way he was and she hated it.

She initially was pissed at the varying levels to the kiss, but now not so much. She hated that it happened but it was obvious Emma threw herself at Matvei. Alyssa knew from the moment she saw Emma at the restaurant that the blonde still held a candle for her boyfriend.

She wasn't worried about Emma, but she was worried and thoroughly upset that Matvei had yet to come clean about the whole ordeal. There were facts about the kiss that she was piecing together. For starters, the kiss lasted longer than needed, which let Alyssa know that Matvei kissed Emma back.

It angered her but not for the reasons most would assume. Alyssa was mad at Matvei because he was behaving like a scared little bitch. An opportunity arose that could give him an out in their relationship and he took it. Easily.

Whether consciously or subconsciously made, Matvei chose to do something that would harm their dynamic and she knew it was rooted in his fear of eventually messing things up. The self-fulfilling asshole.

Alyssa had more information on her men. She now knew a bit more about their mother and father as individuals, as well as, a couple. Alyssa knew the damage they had done on their sons and how it impacted their outlook on relationships and love.

She was aware quite early that Matvei would rather move in a way to hurt her once than have her endure a lifetime with him disappointing her at every turn. He believed he couldn't do right by her deep down and Emma presented a chance for him to jump ship whether he was fully aware of it or not.

The self-sabotage could be worked out eventually. Constant communication and reassurance could get the truth through to Matvei and have him seeing their love and relationship for what it was. Happy. Whole. Healthy.

The thing she could not tolerate was the lying. She knew technically she was somewhat lying about her mental health status, but she was working on that front. She had found a Black, female therapist and would start seeing her biweekly in the coming weeks. She was doing her part, but even then, Alyssa felt like her mental health didn't fully impact them like this kiss did.

The shadows were a nuisance but they weren't a betrayal on the trust they were building. The shadows distracted her at times, but they didn't directly impact Mikhail or Matvei. The shadows definitely did not cause her to cheat on them.

Matvei both cheated and lied. Both were seriously wrong and she was going to wait out the day to see if he'd come clean. If he didn't, Alyssa was ready to blast his ass.

"I want to see our costumes, kroshka." Mikhail whispered in her ear before latching onto her neck and rubbing his erection against her ass. Alyssa rolled her eyes not in the mood for whatever he was trying to put down. "I'll be right back."

Alyssa broke loose from Mikhail's grasp and made her way upstairs. He watched as her ass jiggled and groaned. "She's so fucking sexy. I don't even think she knows what she does to me. Shit, am I obsessed?" He whispered to himself before looking at his silent brother. "What's wrong with you?" Matvei shook out of his haze. "Huh?"

"You look like Terrance Watanabe after he lost that $200 million." Matvei sucked his teeth before wiping his hands over his face. "No seriously. What's wrong with you? You're sweating like the sinner that you are." Mikhail snickered at his own joke.