Hailee Steinfeld imagines

"I don't recognize you..."

"Oh well good for you if it doesn't bother you. Cause it would have bothered me a lot that my parents were working nonstop." Ethan intervened.

"I can imagine, yeah.." I chuckled ironically as I opened my locker, immediately facing some pictures of my mom and I. There were many pictures. Most of them were taken at home during my younger years since mom overprotected me from the paparazzis. When I was growing up, she slowly got back to the acting and music industries, leaving me some time alone, missing some important reunion about school. I didn't blame her, her work was everything to her; it wasn't even a work. It was her passion. I couldn't private her from doing what she loved the most just by saying that she wasn't there for me as she used to be when I was a child.

   I stared at the pictures for a while, completely forgetting that there were my friends around me. I was in my thoughts, again. Not feeling very well suddenly, I closed my locker a bit too violently and excused myself to my friends, quickly leaving them to go out of the school. Not living too far from the school, I walked to my house as fast as I could. Knowing all too well that my mom wasn't at home yet, I entered the code on the portal before making my way to the garden until I reached the front door. I taped another code and stepped inside the house, removing my shoes as I ran upstairs, needing to grab something that could calm my nerves. I looked through my furnitures, through my closet as I finally found them, hidden in the underwear compartiment. I quickly walked downstairs, putting my shoes back as I went to the front yard, not even noticing that Martini and Brando followed me since I was back here. I sat down in front of the pool, looking down at the water, letting my feet fall into the water. My shoes and my socks were beside me, not that stupid to let them getting all wet.

   I grabbed the cigarette lighter that was in pocket and put it next to me, only to allow me to put out a whole pack of cigarettes. Nowadays, it was really easy to have cigarettes even though you were still a teenager, a young teenager. I put a cigarette between my lips, ready to light the cigarette.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵
hailee's pov

"Fucking finally!" I said happily. I finally finished the project I was working on since I don't know when. I was now free to do whatever I wanted but right now, I just wanted some rest. I never really stopped working since a few months, maybe a few years... Maybe since Y/N entered middle-school actually... It was hard to let her alone most of the time but I didn't really have the choice anyway. I guess she was doing fine on her own.

   Driving back home, I put music in the car, vibing and chilling to my playlist, starting to enjoy my free time, thing that I didn't have for a while. I moved my head on the beat of the music and tapped my fingers against the wheel, feeling myself real good now, blasting masterpieces with the sound very loud.

   As I headed to my house, everything seemed perfect except for one thing: Martini and Brando weren't here to greet me, thing that they always did before. I stepped inside, looking around to find them until my eyes found them running around the pool, Y/N sitting on the edge as she had her head down. I put my bags down and took off my jacket before making my way towards Y/N and the dogs. They barked a little when they saw me approaching them, wagging their tails, apparently happy to see me. When they barked, Y/N turned around pretty quickly. I had a smile on my face; it quickly disappeared when I saw what was holding her lips. A cigarette. I could see her trying to hide it from me but she miserably failed.

"What was that thing?" I questioned, furrowing an eyebrow.

"It was nothing." Y/N denied, perfectly aware that I saw what I saw.

"Don't lie to me, Y/N. I know what I saw. Now tell me what were you doing with a cigarette between your lips?!" My voice started to get angrier, as it should. "You're only 14, Y/N, what the fuck?! How did you even manage to get those shitty things?!"

"I— I can explain!" She stood up, walking to me, her cigarette still between her fingers.

"There's nothing you can explain, Y/N. WHY ARE YOU SMOKING?! Don't you know that it's dangerous? That's it can kill you whenever it decides it?! You already have lungs issues and you push the problem even further with fucking cigarettes?! Come on Y/N? What the heck?!" I sighed loudly, clearly annoyed by Y/N's behavior.

"You want to know why?? You want to know who is the cause of that? Well. IT'S YOU. YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ME SMOKING!" She yelled while I was slowly taking in what she just told me. Because of me? "You were there for me when I was a child but you left me for your career when I entered middle school. I'm tired of always being your last priority! I— I don't know what I've done but it hurt, okay?! More than the smoke of that cigarette inside my lungs. All of my friends talk about what they do with their family during the weekend while I'm standing there, with them, trying to not cry in front of them when they tell me how much fun they had! When they ask me what I've done during the weekend, I can only say that I stayed home! And that's true! Because you're not here to hanging out with me! You're always at work! I don't recognize you! And every time I lie, saying that it's fine with me, that it doesn't bother me but you know what?! It definitely bothers me! More than anything else! Because I can't spend time with my mother like before! Well... If you're even my mother." She finished her speech, tears dripping down her cheeks as I was left speechless. I was close enough to hug Y/N but she stepped back. "I just want a normal life, with a normal mother!" My mouth was wide open, I contained myself to sob, not wanting to make her feel bad since she was kinda right. "Because yes! I don't even know who's my dad! Maybe you adopted me, huh? And you're not my mother? Maybe you deprived me from a good life with a wonderful family!" She continued to yell, crying. I sighed, looking down. It had to happen anyway...

"Look, Y/N. I am your mother. I gave birth to you. Concerning your father... He.. raped me." I played with my fingers, feeling suddenly nervous and anxious. Y/N noticed it since she surprisingly grabbed my hands. "I took the morning after pill, after that... event.. I thought it would have worked. Everything went fast... 9 months after that trauma.. I learned that I was pregnant. A denial of pregnancy.. During 9 months, yea. So, Y/N, I'm sorry if your life isn't perfect, isn't the way you want it to be, with a father and siblings, and I'm sorry if I'm not the mother you wanted me to be, you wished me to be. I'm sorry for.. a lot of things. But I'm not sorry to have kept you when you were born." I couldn't contained myself anymore, I cried. Y/N hugged me, wrapping her arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around her back. We both had our eyes closed, probably enjoying the hug since we haven't hugged each other for a moment..

"I'm sorry too, mom.. I— I'm sorry.." I kissed her forehead, telling her that it was okay.

"Just do not touch this shit ever again, okay? Promise me." I cupped her cheeks in my hands.

"I promise.." I smiled at her, hugging her tighter. "I'm grateful for you, Y/N/N. I will spend more time with you, I promise. I love you, my love."

"I love you too, momma." Y/N giggled when she called me by that name, her knowing that she called me 'momma' when she was a kid.