Feeling Again-Mattheo Riddle;Book 2

Chapter 13: Nightmare Scenario

Trigger warning (ya already know)

TW: Drugs, specifically Xäñax (no, the drug name will not be censored in the writing, sorry...) Also, sorry if any of the info regarding dr4gs is inaccurate. 

I dumped the galleons in his hands and quickly took the little bottle. "Don't have to be such an asshole about it," I snarl.  

"Whatever ya say, princess." 

Fuck him. 

Guys like him give drug dealers a bad name. Not all of them are jerks. I stuffed the little Xanax bottle in my robe pocket and walked my way back up. I'm gonna need to enter the forbidden forest in a calm state of mind if I have any chance of making smart decisions up there. Not that these pills have been the best at helping me make these decisions... But it sure feels like I am. 

As I'm walking back towards the castle, I try to not draw as much attention, because everyone knows that that specific corner was the stoners ground. Not that I did my stuff there... that's what the astronomy tower was for. 

I hated it. I hated how I was making it a normal part of my ground. But I got myself in this shituasionshhip, and I will have to somehow get myself out. I will though, I can do it, I'm just choosing not too... 

I was looking down at the ground while walking, as I usually did now. Of course, because my life is a cliche movie, I bump into someone's chest. 

"Ouch!" I exclaim, holding my forehead. 

"Oops, didn't see you there!" I looked up and saw a smirk. 

"Hello to you too, Tyler." Totally don't feel like crying with how many freaking times he's popping up in my life.  

Before I had a chance to walk away he grabbed by arm and leaned down to whisper something. "Crushing it works better than swallowing. It'll hit faster." He let go of his hold on me, likely appreciating the shocked look on my face before walking to the stoners ground. 

Oh fuck him, as if I'd do that. 

I realize I'd been standing in the exact same place for an entire minute, and start walking back towards the castle, cursing myself at the same time. 

As I reached inside the castle, I immediately went to my room, making sure to check that no one was inside the room. Before Ginny got back, I quickly stuffed my little bottle into the little drawer in my trunk chest and started writing the stupid charms homework.  

When the clock struck 6 PM, I immediately got up, because I finished all my homework right at that time. Where was I going? The astronomy tower so I could freaking calm down before I had to meet with Tyler. I picked up the small bottle from my trunk and left. 

As I was walking through the only slightly empty halls and walking upstairs to the astronomy towers, the sun was only slightly setting. It was still comfortably warm and sunny. The small smile on my face didn't stay for long, however. My thoughts do this thing sometimes... where things that happened years ago, just hit me. And they hit me like a fucking brick. Forget a brick, a whole house collapsing on me. Going up the stairs felt as if I was dragging 100 pounds on my legs. 

The less you protest, the less this will hurt. That one stupid flight attendant who took my blood. 

This is all for you. It shouldn't hurt after a while. Gale. 

Sirius's death. All because of me. All because of me. 

Luckily, right then, I arrived at the Astronomy tower, because my legs couldn't carry me anymore. With shaking hands and wavering breathing, I take out the pill bottle and quickly down two. I wait for the rush to kick in, but I feel as if my normal dosage of 2 isn't enough, and I split one of the pills in half. It just feels... complete.

And I hate it. 

I sit there, staring in space, as if I have nothing better to do. I really don't. I'm practically waiting for my impending doom. At, what my watch tells me is 8 pm, I notice footsteps coming upstairs. I feel more satiated now. More calm. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate the way I had to get to that feeling. I look at the stairs, not even caring if someone sees me here. 

"Oh, didn't know you'd be here." 

"Hey Loren," I say casually. I flash a small smile and go back to looking at the view outside. 

"Seems a little early to be getting stoned." 

"I'm not getting stoned," I defend, turning back to face him. He raises his eyebrows in mock shock, but I know he doesn't believe me. He makes his way in front of me and sits across from me. He looks at me for a second before fishing through his pocket, taking a pack of cigarettes. I glance at the box for a second, craving it for a second, before turning my face back to the view. 

He pulls out a lighter and puts one of them between his lips, lighting up the cigarette. I smell the light smell of smoke and glance back at him, to see that he's looking at the view, just like me. He turns around and notices my looking. He sighed, and took out one of the cigarettes out and handed it to me. I really shouldn't... I just took something, but what's the harm? Pretty sure I'm immune to tobacco right now. 

"Thanks," I say, reluctantly accepting it and his lighter. We sit in silence for a minute before he strikes up a conversation. 

"Did you tell Mattheo about any of this?" 

I scoff. "God, no. If he found out, he'd freak. No one knows actually. Except for you. And Tyler. And the drug dealer guy." 

He shrugged and took another puff. "Fair enough," he responded, with a signature smile. And for the next couple hours, it just went by. Somehow, the two of us were able to distract each other from whatever we came up here for. And I even found myself laughing at one point. 

Until it was 11:45 and it was time to go the Forbidden Forest. 

Why do I feel like everyone hates my version of Mattheo, is he too soft or smtg 😭 Cause I that'll change... or will it?

Also, can we all agree Tyler's an annoying piece of shit? But he'll be here a lot for Act 2 😔

What do we think of Loren and Snow rn? (Not rly a spoiler, but i promise, nothing romantic between them will happen. that is done and over with 😭)

Snow's getting worse... huh. What do you guys think her blood's being used for? Is she gonna have a mental break or smtg soon? What are your guy's predictions?