Facing Reality

39)"God, I don't deserve the world. I don't deserve anything,"

This chapter contain violence, torture, manipulation, self-harm, & Panic attack 

It will also contain lots of crying 

Thalia POV:

It would be an understatement to say that this talk was awkward. I had no idea what to say to him.

'Hello, I'm your half-sister from your father, who abandoned you but kept me'

Like no, I can't say that shit.

I'm at a loss for words with him. When I found out, I didn't know what to say to myself. Furthermore, how do I explain that I've met him before? How am I supposed to explain to practically everyone here that we've met before, although in a different realm? 

It’s too much 

It's too baffling, and it's making everything more difficult for me. Everything is occurring at once and it feels like I'm just floating like I am not even here. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm not sure how I should be feeling. 

Should I be happy? Should I be angry? What should I be feeling? Something horrible usually happens to me when I am happy. I can't be happy for long because there's always someone prancing around the corner ready to screw up my life. 

Then I'll become a bitch if I continue to be angry with everyone. And after spending so much time in my head, I've determined I have too much to lose to have everyone leave me. I don't want to lose everyone with my attitude, so I'll keep it to myself. All my emotions bottled up.

I’m afraid of being alone, I was already alone for too long. 

They don't have to feel the anguish, the hurt, and the need to scream till my throat burns because my life is so unbearable. 

I have Sandro, and he makes me feel things that no one else has ever made me feel, even Hades, and I don't want to keep comparing them because it's not fair and they're not the same. 

Sandro makes me feel special, and I love him for it. He cares about me; even when I make fun of him, he still goes out of his way for me. Me. Because I've been kidnapped so many times, I'm practically a nobody with an unstable business. It's as though everyone else's life revolves around mine, and I'm simply background noise. 

I saw how Sandro glanced at me when he walked down the stairs, and I knew the smile I put on was phony. Obviously, it was. I had no idea how much good I was missing in my life. It was as if everything slapped me across the face. I had a brother and nieces, and my mother is currently in a coma with no known recovery time. I haven't heard from my father in over a year. 

It's just too much for me, and I want to cry or scream. But I smiled and appeared to be okay since Sandro would make havoc if he knew I wasn't. 

The sole advantage of waking up after this time is that they have him, Konstantin. They caught him, and he can no longer harm anyone else. The only question was, where was Mikhail? Was he hiding somewhere, or did he take over the mafia now that the original and old leader is no longer in the picture? 

My mind was racing at a rate of 10 times per second because I had too much on my mind. Thinking about too many topics at once results in muddled incoherence. 

"I told him I was pregnant, but he didn't believe me." I heard and snapped out of my reverie to see Mama Iris, as everyone calls her, speaking to me with a distant look in her eyes. "How come he didn't believe you?" After finally getting out of my thoughts, I ask. 

"I'm not sure. He then discovered that I was next in line for the Mafia and vanished, claiming that it wasn't his child. I had a DNA test done after Atticus was born and sent it to him to prove it was his "She states. "My father is a jackass," I shake my head.