To be Frantastic

Chapter 24: Hurricane Andrea

The sun leaked through the buildings, confusing me even more, if that were possible. It was already dawning, and I had no clue. How long had I been away? Did I really stay awake through the night? How come nobody went looking for me, or I didn't run into anyone at the church?

I can't say that it bothered me though. If anything, I prefer to be alone, more now than ever. And from all the people in the world, the last ones I want to spend any time with at the moment are O2L, despite everything we've been through lately. I don't want to spend time with them, I want instead to somehow manage to contact Troye, and talk to him... and tell him I'm sorry. But God knows I don't have the guts. So instead I'm walking through the streets of New York at 5:45 am, all on my own. Well, there's you, too, but you're nowhere to be seen. I always have you on my mind, you know? I appreciate that. I think you're good for me; yes... you're the one voice that I truly find soothing now. You are everything to me.

How can I face Troye now, after how I treated him yesterday? After all he's done for me? With him meaning so, so much to me? Maybe like this it's better; maybe like this I won't hurt him any further. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone, and he deserves so much better than me...

Even though it's already June my bones were chilly from the evening. That's what you get from stone walls inside a chapel, I guess. But I was in the streets now, wandering my way back to the hotel as slowly as possible. I had a duty to fulfill to O2L. To my friends, and to the fans. I still had to form a part of this. Just a little longer... and then it'll be all over. It'll be over because I don't think I can take this anymore. It might be selfish, I might be wrong, but... but I'm not good enough for them. Not like this. I probably will never be good enough again. Damn, there's so much to tell... I wonder how I'll do it?

-"... to church... like a dog... your lies..."

I wonder how I'll manage to deal with all of this? There's so much going on, so much I can't control... some things are just too scary to face, don't you think?

-"... death... good... love... !"

And what is that noise!? Great, now I'm hallucinating with songs, like that's just what I was missing.

Or wait... is it really someone singing?

As I walked over to the source of my supposedly imaginary sound, I found myself with a strange sight. At least strange for me, because you know how strange it is for me to be outside exploring the city or what not. I barely know any of LA. What I saw was a young dude, probably around my age. He was on the sidewalk playing a large acoustic guitar, and singing. I don't know why, but the song seemed familiar. He had short brown hair and light brown eyes, with a hint of green. He was a bit tanner than me, and also a little bit taller, too, and was wearing blue jeans with worn out sneakers, and a red sweat shirt over what seemed to be a plain blank t shirt. He didn't seem to be from the city. By his feet, there was a large case for his guitar, and the people who had stopped to listen where dropping dollar bills into it.

A street performer.

For some reason I can't really explain, I felt the urge—no, the need to listen to his song. I wanted to listen and learn; learn about his song and his music, and maybe if I was lucky enough, a bit about his life. So I did that, stood by the people watching and I heard him play, and sing.

-"... If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight... To keep the Goddess on my side, she demands a sacrifice...!"

People enjoyed watching him, as much as he enjoyed being watched. He took a cue and started walking around giving smiles to the bystanders. There were several elderly ladies, a couple of housemaids and moms with their little kids, and one or another businessman who kept their distance. The performer walked towards a little girl with blonde locks clutched to her mother's hold who was giggling, and lowered his gaze to meet her eyes and gave her a big grin.