To be Frantastic

Chapter 20: Hitting the road

The heat. It's the first change I noticed.

It's abnormal, absurd; much unlike what I'm accustomed to. It makes my whole body drench with sweat, even between the bed sheets. It makes me feel like a bug under a magnifying glass, exposed to the sun and to its raw power.

The second thing I noticed was the movement.

Constantly going on and on, never stopping. It's strange because it's familiar, like all the other constant movements before in my life. Something as common as a car or a flying plane, or even as soothing as the rocking cradle I used to sleep in when I was a baby. Don't ask me how I remember that, all I know is that I do.

Then, there's the noise. The noise of the people around me. It reminds me that I'm not alone. I'm not in my room where I can do about my business. Oh, no, it's an entirely different sort of noise here. Back in Los Angeles there is the common noises, the dogs barking every once in a while, some of the guys filming or whatnot. Here, it's the sound of the road. The desert, the vibrant freeway, the wheels spinning eternally, leading to our destination, somewhere far beyond.

When I open my eyes I see the sunlight beaming through the bus' windows. I realize now that I'm in the O2L tour bus, and that I'm sleeping in one of its bed bunks. Or was. In front of me was the other lower bunk (I chose the lowest level because I might need to use the bathroom to well... you know), with Sam sleeping in it comfortably. At least I'm not the last to wake up again.

I exited my second-best-to-nothing bed and stretched my arms and legs. My whole back ached, but that's the least of my problems right now. The bunk on top of me was empty, and so was the one of top of Sam's. There's four of those in the bus, mine and Kian's being on the right side while Sam and Jc sleep on the left. Ricky, who is ridiculously tall, sleeps on the couch we have on the back, at least for now, since he has accorded to switch with Kian every once in a while. And Trevor has one of the two remaining beds further back. The only other person who lives here with us is our driver. Cool guy, his name is Michael, and has two kids who watch our videos. Interestingly they're both boys, but are quite young so it's not that strange.

I am currently in sweat pants and an old t-shirt, because there was no way I we could change into our pajamas while on the bus. Too much of a mess, you know? The only times we do get changed and showered is when we're at the hotel for the night, right before or after a show. Never at any other time.

Neither of the guys are here besides me and Sam, and I can tell that we have stopped, maybe just recently. That might have been the reason why I woke up in the first place: the change of pace.

Sam seems undisturbed, though. I do envy his ability to sleep in. Even when he comes to the O2L house to sleep over on an inflatable mattress on the floor, he manages to take a huge nap until the next morning. I don't think I could do that. It's pretty hot in here, so the first things first before checking on the rest of the guys.

I got into the bathroom. We don't have much: a sink that suits just fine, a toilet that's meant just for peeing, a mirror and a small lavatory. Yeah showering is not a thing here. Picture the smell. I checked my reflection on the mirror.

-"Well, well..."—I told myself—"Aren't you looking ratchet this morning?"

I brushed my teeth unceremoniously and proceeded to wash my face. At least like that I won't smell for a while... well with that and a liter of deodorant at the least.

Then, there's the rather more ceremonious event of... a certain bunch of pills I have to take.

The flask remains well hidden; I'm not making the mistake of showing it to anyone. Not here in the O2L bus, of all places. The last thing I need—and I do mean the last—is my friends to realize how broken I am. Soon will come the time to tell them about the pills. However, I'm not ready yet. Troye did ask me to try to open up with them, and I do want to, but for now I think it's best to maintain this little monster... a thing to me alone. At least until I feel... safe.