To be Frantastic

Chapter 19: The confidant

-"So... today, huh?"—Troye said through the screen—"Guess you must feel nervous."

Nervous? No, not at all. I'm fucking terrified.

-"There's way too many things..."—I said—"That could go horribly wrong... Troye what am I supposed to do?"

The day is May 28th, 2014. Today marks the beginning of the O2L tour. I haven't been able to sleep all fucking night. Anytime now, Ricky will wake up and tell us to get ready to get the cabs, get ourselves to LAX, and fly all the way to Florida. There, we'll head to the venue in the city of Fort Lauderdale, on the east coast of Florida, where we're having our first show. Tonight. It is currently 4:30 am, and I'm skyping with Troye, who is back in Perth. I can't catch a single minute of sleep. I'm so scared... and I am supposed to be leaving ASAP.

-"Well, just remember what Dr. Kellerman said, right?"—Troye said, with a smile—"If you feel like you're having another panic attack, do the breathing exercises... and if you need any help, ask for it. The worst thing you can do is to keep stuff to yourself..."

-"It's still scary... just think about all the things that could go wrong... what if they discover the pills, Troye?"

-"Well, last time someone discovered the pills, things turned out ok, didn't they?"

I snorted. Of course they turned out ok. The one person who had discovered the pills was the same I was talking with right now. Troye... he is literally like a guardian angel to me sometimes. I really do wonder what I would do without him at times like these...

-"I'm so tired..."—I said, to which Troye replied with a huge yawn.

-"You tell me! It's really freaking late over here!"

We both laughed. Sometimes laughter is good. Sometimes. I can't always rely on feeling lightly all the time... there are things that make me wonder about it.

Like my latest conversation with Dr. Kellerman.

For how long have I been seeing her? Months, and always twice a week. But there's only been a few times that we've touched really sensitive subjects... like my fears, or my sexual inclination... or... my trust issues.

-"What's on your mind?"—Troye asked.

-"It's just... it's something that Dr. Kellerman said... but it's nothing big..."

-"My ass. Something's wrong, spit it out."

I got surprised at Troye's reaction, and saw him staring back at me from the other side of the screen, suddenly aware of the situation. He always does this thing. He always manages to find out what is going on—or if something is going on in the first place. Seriously sometimes I think he can read minds.

-"Well... I may or may not have told her by accident that... nobody knows about the pills but you."

Troye's face blushed almost immediately. I must admit, it was endearing to see. Troye is always acting cute in front of the camera for his viewers; he's always played it that way, but when he's hanging out with me or his other friends, he's usually the most protective one around. Hence our actual shared secret with the pills. So, it's actually really nice to see him embarrassed at something as trivial as this.

-"Oh, she must think I must have been stalking you or something."—he said, turning bright red—"She probably thinks I have a crush on my best friend. Have you told her I'm gay? What does she think about me being friends with you? You know, you being straight an all..."

I felt a lump form in my throat.

Alright, alright! I know what you're thinking!

BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY!