To be Frantastic

Chapter 5: What makes me especial?

-"Are you sure you're feeling ok?"—Troye asked from the other end of the Skype call—"You don't look well."

And I knew what he meant, I was not feeling well. Lately that's not a thing. But even so, I was not meant to show or to even admit that he was right. I am supposed to stay strong.

-"I'm just way too sleepy today"—I said, without acknowledging the actual problem—"that's all."

-"Well, if you say so..."—he said, lowering his gaze.

It is very early in the morning. The other guys are sleeping, and I'm here skyping with Troye. He said there was something he wanted to tell me, but so far we've just talked about average stuff.

It's been a couple of days since I've last seen Dr. Kellerman. On that very same day I came back to my LA house with the boys, and they all were surprised to see me back. They had thought I wasn't returning so soon. The pills are still in the bottle, untouched. I couldn't bring myself to take them. But her words are still echoing in my head, mocking me. The assignment she had given me was haunting my thoughts. I haven't even thought about it. Well, actually I have, but in all honesty I couldn't bring myself to think about anything to tell her next time I was over.

-"Hey, Con..."—Troye asked, suddenly.

-"Hmph? What is it?"

-"Remember I had told you there was something I wanted to talk about...?"

I leaned in closer to the screen.

-"Yes? What is it?"

-"Well, I don't know... it's a very personal thing."

-"Well, if you want to talk about something, I'm here to listen."

When I told this to Troye I thought of Dr. Kellerman. The way she addressed me at her office made me feel secure, safe. Maybe if I try to act like her, I'll appear more trustable to Troye, and help him get whatever he needs off his chest.

-"I... I have been working on something."

-"Really?"

-"I... you know what? Never mind..."

He suddenly got quiet and stopped right there. I felt disappointed, but I understood. Sometimes there are things we want to talk about, but it's very hard to do so.

-"Don't worry"—I said—", I understand. But, if you ever need to say anything, don't doubt to tell me."—I gave him my best smile. Being a nice friend (or attempting to be) is the good thing left I can do.

-"Thanks, maybe... maybe someday..."

I saw a beam of light shine down into my room. It was starting to dawn. Another morning, a different day. But still, every single time it feels like a bigger struggle.

-"Hey, Con..."—Troye said.

-"Yeah?"

-"You're a very good friend."

The compliment caught me by surprise, but I found myself smiling anyway.

-"You say that because we have just met..."—I said—"I mean, if you lived with me like the other guys, you would get sick of me."

-"No, don't say that."—he answered back—"We may not hang out much, and we've just become friends like this, but I feel like you are here for me."

-"You really think so?"

-"Sometimes it's hard to remember"—he said with a soft, solemn tone—"that I form part of this, you know? Of the whole gang. I live really far away, and I've only been to VidCon once... but you and Tyler are my friends, you keep communicating with me. Though lately he's been very busy, and here you are."—he added, looking at peace—"And I appreciate that. I appreciate that you keep me company and make me laugh a bit."